Spiritual Laundry

A Typical Saturday Ahead

2009-10-24T08:21:00.001-05:00

This weekend will be a time to get together with friends and church members while hopefully having some time together as a family to do the essential chores and have some project time.

I am working on a new pillowcase dress for a friend's daughter this morning. This is the first one I have done that is not actually made out of a pillowcase. She wanted this one out of Arkansas Razorback fabric so I am having to sew the pillowcase first. It is faster the other way! Maybe I can find a few hours while all my sewing things are set up in the dining room to make a few more out of thrifted pillowcases in my stash. I have given away all the others I had made and they are nice to have on hand.

The younger boys are out of school this Monday and Friday because their school is moving from the temporary location to the new building. It should be an exciting and short week for them. I am hoping to make a trip to the pumpkin patch with them if the weather cooperates on one of those days they are off this next week to get some pictures. The camera is out and charged.

I found a Brother sewing machine at Goodwill yesterday for $12.99 and it sews really well. It is missing the plug and foot pedal, but the one from my other Brother works on it so I was able to sew with it last night. It is an older model of the one that I usually sew on. The opening to the right of the needle is about an inch and a half larger than my other one so it will be easier to use for machine quilting. I now have three portable machines and am gearing up for leading some Sewing Camps this next year. I want to have the students sew projects from pillowcases like a laundry bag and a pillow.

Well, I am going to head off and begin my Saturday routines of folding laundry and sweeping floors and such. I usually cook something ahead in the afternoon while listening to This American Life, but today we have a birthday party to attend so I am not sure. Hope you all have a joyful fall Saturday.

Rewind....

2009-10-22T10:40:00.005-05:00

I was reading through past writings on my blog and found this post. I think I need to hang it on my fridge again....

Saw this hanging on my refrigerator this morning and realized it would be a fun blog.

Kelley's Rules for Sanity and Simple Living

1. Stick to your 15-minute intervals. You can do anything for 15 minutes!
2. Sit and knit when teaching school in order to slow down. (I guess this one can now be changed to Take Some Knitting Breaks during the work day to process your thoughts.)
3. Plan your meals and then do the shopping.
4. Capture joy and Be funny!
5. Cast away fear and take on the power and energy of the Spirit.
6. Remember we are on a journey.
7. Celebrate what God has done. Count the Blessings!
8. Worship in all things as God prepares us for the next season, whatever it might be.
9. Quit multi-tasking.
10. Pamper yourself and don't forget to get away for a while every few days.
11. Cherish small steps of progress. They will take us where we need to be!
12. Leave the praise music on!

Be at Rest.

2009-10-22T09:07:00.003-05:00

Do you remember the last time you woke up and realized something fairly important about yourself that you had not been able to see before? or that you have just decided you would rather not see?

I have had lots of time to think this week and have realized that sometime around the end of August, I just kind of slipped off into a distant place. I don't really think I have been depressed. I just have not been very connected with others. I have not read as many stories to the boys or taken very many pictures. I haven't scheduled baking sessions with Maddie or gone for as many drives with Malachi. I haven't been on as many dates with my beloved. And as a result, I think, my studio time has not been as productive and my spirit has felt lonely.

I am having a hard time finding the words to describe how you can go through the motions of your life but have such a heavy heart or a distracted spirit that you really aren't fully engaged. I know that writing always help to connect-the-dots of my life for me, so I have begun to wrestle with the words again.

It only takes a few words of reading the journaling on a scrapbooking layout for me to realize that I am letting my life slip by me. Sometimes I think my primary goal in life is to just feel better. I see all the things I do in life to try to make myself feel better, but when I look at each moment day by day, I don't really think I feel that bad. I wonder if this is just a natural human response. Do others of you search to ease a sort of tension or ache inside of you that is hard for you to identify and sometimes out of your scope of recognition? Do you find yourselves just doing things because of habit and not really stopping to think if those habits really help you anymore?

I am fairly self-critical. Probably too much so. But as I am coming out of this fallow time in which I have kept to myself a bit more than usual, I am wanting to discard of habits that have outlived their usefulness or have become unhealthy. I am realizing it is probably time to re-evaluate my self-talk (those things I say to myself over and over inside my own head without even realizing I am saying them....) and to make sure that the words that are flowing inside of me are ones that are encouraging, loving and full of mercy and grace.

As I was working from home yesterday and trying to stay balanced on my rolling desk chair while recovering from the flu, I heard a bit of a song by Steve Green called Be At Rest. I was listening to Pandora which doesn't allow you to "rewind" or request a specific song so I couldn't go back to the beginning. But the part I heard touched me. It was all about how God is in control and our soul needs to be at peace. It was a word that I needed to hear yesterday. And today. And probably tomorrow.

I will check in again tomorrow. I am going to go find the camera so I can take photos of my loved ones this weekend.

Be at Rest.

As always, I fear that people will tilt their heads at me and make judgments. But I guess more than that, I fear that no one will really read what I write and that my writing is really just a sort of self-encouragement. I guess if that is true, that is ok. It does help to motivate and encourage me. But if you read, would you mind commenting, even if you disagree with me? It sure feels good to know you have readers.

Oh, Here is My Purple Square! Oh, Here is My Purple Square!

2009-10-20T14:11:00.001-05:00

Done! A bit wonky and not perfect, but in my own words, "Done is better than perfect!" I think I will try another one and try to improve my technique. I will post a photo later to prove the existence of the purple square....LOL!

Oh Where, Is My Focus? Oh Where, Is My Focus?

2009-10-20T12:10:00.002-05:00

So I was in bed with the flu last night (about to return there shortly!) and my goal was just to start making some squares to donate for charity. I was there for over three hours and did not end up with one single square to show for it!

I started out with blue and pink yarn and simple crochet. I did a few rows and decided that squares worked in Tunisian crochet really would be warmer for the charity I had discovered while surfing the internet on my phone (instead of crocheting the pink and blue yarn). Then after doing a few rows of Tunisian, I decided I really would like to do the tweed effect so I dug up some lighter pink and switched to dark pink and light pink. After a while I got bored and decided that maybe Granny Squares would hold my attention better so I dug out my book for that. I must have tried about four and none of them spoke to me but somewhere along the way I had switched to the color combination of purple and green with a splash of yellow. I think I ended up returning to a simple double crochet in brown before I finally turned out the light and gave up.

I sure hope it is just the flu that is doing this to me! Maybe if I could find a charity that accepts squares that are 2x2 inches I might be able to finish some to send in. Geez. And there is so much yarn I need to destash that this might really take me forever. Sometimes I think I might be better off if someone took away all my yarn and tools except one hook, two needles and a big ball of white yarn. I could probably stay busy my entire life stitching and re-stitching that one ball of yarn learning every stitch and technique known.

I think I will try again today and see what I get! Any of you having any luck making squares? Maybe I can get inspired and soar on your tailwinds?.

Maybe I will start with the goal of just making one square. Surely I can do that, right? I still have to wrestle with what color, what stitch to use and what size, but surely I can handle that. I will decide right now while you all are here and then I will post a pic of my square later tonight.....

Ok, here it goes....I am going to make a half-double crocheted 8-inch square in purple. Ouch, that hurts. That is some real commitment. Ok....off I go! Wonder if I can fudge and make it striped in different shades of purple? Do you think they would notice? (wanders off muttering to self and looking for the purple yarn in the basket beside the bed.....did I say half-double crochet?)

A Season for Change

2009-10-16T10:05:00.005-05:00

I have spent the last few months deep in thought about many things. But have written very little. Not sure why. But I think I am ready to write again. Every time I make it through a season of life that has been difficult, (this time it was another move and all of the kids beginning new schools) I feel the urge to wipe away everything old and start new. In this case, begin a new blog with a new look for a new time. But I have resisted that urge several times over the last few years. I guess I am settling into the realization that my life will have times where I am more distant and times when I am ready to share, and that is ok.

I think one of the things I enjoy the most right now is my daily blog reading time. I have a list of blogs that I read regularly. Most are women who are also the creative sort with kids and a knack for taking really good photos that inspire me. In my usual way of always questioning everything (why is that?), I sometimes wonder if reading these blogs is a Good Thing. (Life is divided into Good Things and Bad Things, you know. No matter how much I tell myself that Life really is a lot of Not Good/Not Bad Things.)

I have decided that this daily blog reading is a Very Good Thing for me. (hehe. I just added a new category to Life!) This time each morning, noon and night keeps me inspired and thinking creatively. It offers me a healthy dose of Possibilities amidst the daily chores and challenges of maintaining routines. I do the best when I am able to live by a flexible routine, but I am not always able to provide that structure for myself consistently. (But then again, just doing the chores that need to be done for a large family each day is maintaining a routine. I have to do laundry each day. I have to do the dishes. I have to make sure kids are fed and make it to school on time. And I have to be there when they are dismissed. I have to make sure there is healthy food and supplies in the house to use to prepare meals. So I guess I do provide that structure for myself....)

I don't really resent these chores anymore. When I get myself started with them, I relax because it really is pretty clear in those times what I am supposed to be doing. Not much question when people are hungry that I am supposed to be cooking. Or when we are running low on clean uniforms, it is time to wash.

The turning point for me this week was when I added these items to my To Do list with the amount of time that each usually takes. I began to see that although the daily routines don't really seem like they should be on my To Do List each day because they are just obviously required tasks, it is helpful to see them there. It is helpful to see them checked off when completed and to realize that there are large blocks of my days that are unavailable for other types of work.

It is always amusing to me when I process through things that seem so simple. But there are times when things click with me and I gain a new understanding of how my life really Is. It makes it easier for me to adjust my thinking and my attitudes when I seem to understand that it is not a matter of Good or Bad. It just Is for now.
And so it is Ok.

Do you have things in your life that you need to accept as Ok for now? Things you have been resenting or trying to avoid, but really just need to embrace and learn to love or at least to accept? Are you struggling with a new financial situation? A current health condition? A change in routine or workload? A move? A difficulty in communicating with a loved one? A new stage in the development of a child?

For some reason, when I feel the switch from resentment/challenging it to accepting/embracing it, things seem to fall into place, and I find a lot of the emotional and inner struggle seems to ease into a sense of peace. I guess sometimes I need to give myself permission for things to not be Perfect. I need to allow myself time to work through things naturally instead of trying to force the growth and change. So I am not saying that overall I think it is ok to have poor communication or addictions or bad habits. But sometimes it is really Good progress to realize that there will be times in Life when we have those challenges. And judging ourselves as Bad for having them doesn't really help that much. It just makes things harder to deal with.

I guess this is all related to the desire to control our own lives. We can't really do that. But we sure try. I know I do. And in these times that seems to be what most people think is Good. All the talk about organization, planning, self-discipline, budgeting, and healthy and natural living sure can lead one to excessive self-analysis and criticism. I guess like most things in life, it is a balancing act. It is Good for us to want to improve ourselves and to journey toward Perfection in the tradition of John Wesley. (I am a Methodist after all.) But there is also great biblical teaching that encourages us to enjoy everyday and to embrace our blessings. We are to recognize the abundance that God has provided for us and to continually give thanks.

It is quite the dichotomy of teaching. A personal puzzle for my life I guess. How do I live in a state of thanksgiving and abundance while at the same time judging my imperfections so that I can continue to improve and grow? Very carefully.

The reading of my favorite blogs keeps me thankful, inspired, and centered in the present moment. Reading about the lives of others always draws me into my own life and relationships more fully. And recognizing that other people struggle on a daily basis helps me to recognize that my own struggles and challenges are a very normal part of Life.

The internet has been such a wonderful tool of Connection for me. I really enjoy being able to talk with others from around the world each day if I choose. And to be able to see that even though their situations may be very different from mine geographically, culturally, or family-wise, they can be working on the same type projects or learning the same new techniques or skills as I am. So many of them wake up each morning itching to spend some time with their hooks, needles and sewing machines, just like I do. I find a sense of peace and connection in that realization that is different than in any other area of my Life, and I like it very much.

I hope that you can find some time for yourself today and then some time to look into the eyes of your loved ones refreshed and ready to listen.

I love my Goodwill!

2009-06-08T16:48:00.002-05:00

Just stopped by for one of my quick runs around the Goodwill store to make sure nothing new had come in that I needed. Sure enough! I have been waiting for some running shorts since I have started walking three miles a day and jogging some, too. I found two pair this afternoon and a new Brita water bottle that filters the water! I also found a new skirt for church (long and slinky fabric in bright blues and black) and a nice pair of regular shorts. Oh, I almost forgot my three soup mugs with wildflowers! I love it when I score a good find. All for $4.75 which is less than what I would have paid for one pair of running shorts if I had just headed over to WalMart!

The clerk also told me they are opening a store in North Little Rock where I'll be able to buy clothes by the pound. So now I don't have to pay much for the ones I want to rip up and make into bags!

Now I just need a bright blue blouse to match this new skirt.....

a new and very compelling past time

2009-06-04T14:05:00.003-05:00

Most of you know that I visit my local thrift shop several times a week to see what they have. I buy brightly colored sheets to make into crocheted rag bags and keep my myself outfitted with work clothes, bags, shoes and vintage pillowcases that will end up in a quilt. But since I am in there so often I am starting to get the urge to turn my relaxing past time of searching the racks into the beginnings of an upcycling sewing business. I look for pieces that are of great quality that happen to be on the "buy one get one free" tag special of the day and then make a plan to transform the used item into something new for sale.

I particularly like the idea of making flirty modern aprons, cloth baby shoes, bibs and burp cloths, bags (purses, totes, knitting needle roll-ups, project bags, diaper totes, cosmetic and pencil bags) and patchwork items.

So if any of you see anything you like online and would like to order, send me a message and I will see what I can do. I can't wait to see what comes out of this! It sure is a fun way to shop when you are all about refashioning old things into fresh products. Can't get much greener than that!

And it will be such a great way to teach others to sew, too. We can have a party. Bring an old shirt and turn it into a bag! Or turn a pair of old jeans into an apron! This is going to be fun!

A studio? Really?

2009-06-03T13:16:00.006-05:00

I just added these two new publications to my bookshelf. We are considering converting our garage at our new home into some creative space for the entire family to relax and to be artistic. I am hoping I might glean some low-budget ideas for organization and workspace arrangement by looking at some other studios. I have to be honest. It really scares me because a studio is one of the very few material things I really want in this life. It is definitely on the top of my list and has been for a long time. It is very exciting to consider it, but I also fear that it might not ever happen. And I hate to get excited about things and then get disappointed.

Wonder what that says about me? Probably that I should get over living life on the "safe side" that assumes things will probably not work out. I think that has been my thinking for some time, and I am trying to break free from such negative thinking. I want to be free to dream and to create without worrying all the time.

I have made incredible progress these last few months by working on my Freespirit projects in which I have moved away from relying on patterns for my projects. I am going to freely create a few more over the next few weeks as I work on some baby gifts. Baby steps, I guess, but eventually I will soar!

2009-06-02T08:35:00.004-05:00

The gentle art of thankful noticing...

This seems like a great way to start my Tuesday. Only two more Tuesdays before we move into our new home so it is certainly an exercise in relaxation and being balanced to stop and notice the little things for which I am thankful in the midst of the change and transition.

This morning as I drink my cup of java, I am thankful for my husband who let me sleep in this morning as he got the kids ready for school. I love him more and more everyday.

I am thankful that school is almost over and I will have more time to spend with my kids-playing, exploring, relaxing, crafting and reading. I really only have two things that I am going to put on the list to do with them each day this summer. Those are to read and to walk together. I think I will go through the 100 Lessons book with Nate for his reading, but he has a great start already for Kindergarten, so it will be just a quick thing we do each day to keep him busy.

I am truly thankful that my body and mind are healthy and strong right now. I have had times of disablility and that makes it so much harder to get things done. Even though I am not really enjoying packing, I am thankful that it is not a painful process for me physically. Just thinking about that makes it a bit easier to get over the dread of the work.

I am thankful for books. I just finished the first book in Elizabeth Peters' Amelia Peabody series yesterday and started the second last night. It is called The Curse of the Pharaohs. I also began a book that Maddie finished this week that is the first in a series of 7 or 8. It is called Pendragon: The Merchant of Death by D.J. MacHale. I anticipate quite a bit of time spent by the pool this summer watching the kids swim, so a few new series to read and some new projects to crochet or knit are very welcome.

The last thing I will add to my list this morning is how thankful I am for my job as a Graphic Designer and Media Coordinator at my church. It is a flexible part-time position that is allowing me to stretch my design and publishing skills and to learn the art of webdesign while working alongside my husband and some other great staff members. I love the time I spend in my office and collaborating with such a dedicated team of people. Now I am off to that job with two kids in tow today. And I am thankful they are well-behaved so that it is possible!

I am thankful

Frugal Momma Challenge: Day #1

2009-05-27T17:33:00.005-05:00

a bit of rainy day fun!

Well, I have convinced myself that it is time to step up as my own personal trainer! I am now having a personal challenge this month of June (I know. I couldn't wait to get started!) to see how little money I can spend. Today's total is $1.96. I bought two diet cokes. I know. I shouldn't, but that is my downfall. Maybe this challenge will encourage me to reduce the intake. I am striving to learn other ways to deal with stress than to shop. Mind you, I shop frugally and mostly at Goodwill and Hobby Lobby. But how many miles of yarn do I have by now? If it didn't take so long to measure it, I would. Maybe I'll photograph it as I pack it up. At least it is less than I used to have and at least I am actually finishing things now!

Back to the frugal challenge. Part of the fun of this will be calculating how much money I save by planning my meals and cooking at home. I have cooked the last three nights! It has felt good. I just wish the dishes didn't have to come with it, but I am going to listen to a book while I deal with the cleanup so it'll be ok.

I am trying to decide what a good estimate is for how much money I save everytime I cook. I know it varies based on what ingredients I use. But rarely do we get out of a restaurant for less than $40. I think I am going to figure based on $5 a head. I know very few places I can still eat a healthy meal for $5. That will usually come to $30 for us or $35 if Nick is home, too. That should work out about right because I will need to subtract the cost of food from the total saved and I don't want to get really picky about the accounting part of this. I am not going to figure breakfasts because we don't usually eat out then.

So this week the running total of money saved by cooking at home for three dinners would be: $95. Not bad!

On Monday night I cooked Mexican food for Malachi's birthday. I spent about three hours in the kitchen that night but I cooked everything from scratch except the tortillas and chips.

I made:

refried beans from the pintos I had cooked in the crock pot on Sunday
garlic, corn and rotel rice (improvised recipe)
homemade guacamole
coffee cake
and white cheese dip

Then Sunday night was leftovers of all that Mexican food! No prep time but warming it up!

Tonight I took the leftover rice and added it to turkey link sausage in a skillet. I also prepared green peas and grilled cheese sandwiches. Everybody seemed to like it fine!

I still have two sinks of dishes to wash, but I am rejoicing in my new challenge. I have pressed my apron until I have the time to make me a new one out of the book A is for Apron that I bought last week on one of those "shop to make me feel better" excursions that I am not doing this month. LOL! I even have a sage green tablecloth on the table and we have been eating on the nice plates! Did I say I am ready to turn this wagon around? I think it is time. I did really well at all this when we lived in Booneville and were homeschooling. I guess I took a bit of a vacation this year. We eat together more than most families I know, but we have been eating out a bit too much for my tastes lately because of the move!

Hmmm....somebody else was thinking about this, too....

2009-05-26T16:40:00.002-05:00

http://www.chattingatthesky.com/2009/05/08/life-is-where-you-are/

A friend posted this link as a great blog post. I think she is right. Not to mention a beautiful blog design. That has been on my to-do list for far too long as well.

So much of what is stirring within me right now in this time of transition. So much to ponder....

A Season of Frugality

2009-05-26T14:56:00.005-05:00

It is time to grow a bit more in the area of frugality. Way too many soul-soothing stash enhancing purchases going on lately with the stress of the move. At least I recognize what is happening and am willing to try to curb it. Time for some more projects to get finished out of supplies I already have on hand. Time to keep track of where those dollars are going and make sure I am planning ahead for events and needs. New school uniforms are only a few months away now....that is a scary, scary thought!

I have finished more projects lately than I have ever finished before, so that is good. I am finishing my second crocheted bag this week and am able to give some really neat gifts this month. I won't talk too much about them yet because one of my readers is a recipient! So some of this stash enhancement has been for direct use and cotton yarn is NOT cheap. Each bag has over $25 worth of yarn in it! I wasn't able to catch the sales like I wanted to this time around, but I will know from now on that I have to wait for them to be on sale.

And time to quit going through the drive-thru at Starbucks and out to lunch. Time to get in gear and prepare most of the meals at home. I figure that the hour I spend preparing a meal for my family is an hour that I earn about $40 because we sure can't eat anywhere for much less than that. When I realized that this week, it kind of took my breath away. And the hour that I would spend planning my meals for the week and making out my shopping list (if I actually stuck tighter to it) would be worth even more. All for doing things I know how to do. Making money putting systems that I have already developed into place. Hmmm....

I wonder why it is so hard sometimes to do the things that I know work well for me. Sometimes I just forget what they are. Sometimes I am stressed and just have a hard time getting started. Sometimes I almost sense a bit of self-sabotage going on but I am not sure why that is the case. Why would I not want to succeed at these things? These are the things I have been pondering this week. It has been a week to be reminded that material goods are not going to ever make me feel better. Now the process of working creatively makes me feel a lot better, but the stash enhancement doesn't. Strange balancing act to control. Oh, and that idea of being in control, when will I realize that is such a joke? But still I continue to keep striving to "have it all together" or to "stay on top of things." But here is what is weird, I know I feel a whole lot worse if I am not prepared. If there are no groceries and no plan, it is instant icky. If the house is wrecked inside and out, I hate to be here. So a certain amount of control keeps me sane. But how much is too much? Hmmm......

I have always dreamed of having a buddy that would act as my personal trainer and remind me to get back on track and to get moving in the right direction again. But I have always had to gather the gumption to inspire myself or to turn to online friends and forums that focus on such home and organizational planning. Usually I do pretty well. But a move can knock the rug out from under me even though I know it is coming. I know how to deal with it. I know it will soon be over. But this one seems to be a different kind of challenge for me. I am growing in a different way because I am not allowing myself to think that the majority of the packing and planning are my responsibility. I am learning to work as part of a team called my family. It is a very good thing. But I have to admit, it is a bit unsettling for me, too. But we will all be better off in the end. I just wish moving day would come soon!

Off to finish the i-cord I need to thread through the top of my new bag! Finished the handle last night. Maddie is vying for this bag, but I kind of like it myself! We'll see who ends up with it in the end. I might need to sell it this week! LOL! Then neither one of us would feel bad about the other one not having it! I think I decided it didn't need to be lined. I can save that beautiful fabric for another bag. The way it curves in at the top has me puzzled about how to construct the lining and it is very tightly crocheted. But then it won't have pockets. Another thing to Hmmmm.....

breeze of calm in the storm

2009-05-23T16:11:00.009-05:00

I hadn't taken a photo of the kids all together in a while so I am glad these two turned out. Now I have some new ones to print and frame. I hadn't realized it when I took them, but I really like their bare feet!

I am in the midst of moving my family to a new home which is larger and will be much more comfortable for all of us. But I am having the hardest time making it through this time of waiting and packing. We move quite a lot (4 times in six years although that is really a higher average than what is normal for us) so I have a system and a plan and such. But I just wish these packing and waiting days would be over.

Here is what I am doing to keep myself calm and cheerful as we tear apart this home in order

to build a new one...

Lots of crocheting the last few weeks. Crocheting is a bit simpler than the sewing that I really want to be doing right now. I treated myself to A is for Apron yesterday and can't wait until I get settled again so I can spread out a large sheet of paper and transfer the patterns and make some aprons! I was able to give Nate's preschool teacher a crocheted rag bag on Friday and she loved it. She said it reminded her of her grandmother who used to make rugs out of fabric strips so I guess I gave a very good gift there! I don't think I took a photo of it, though. But it was bright turquoise, orange, pink and yellow because she requested something bright and fun. Well, I guess you can see the sides of the bag behind the hotpad and yarn in the above photos. This is the style of the bag although I crocheted the handles right into this one instead of adding them as separate pieces.

I guess my crocheting this week will involve finishing the handle and lining for this bag....that is, when I am not packing and dreaming of sewing.

becoming

2009-05-09T13:07:00.019-05:00

One of my daily bursts of happiness is when I get to catch up with inspiring blogs as I drink a cup of java. I have to admit, I have had blog envy for quite some time and I think it has kept me from posting. But over the last few weeks, I have pulled out my camera and have gotten back on the wagon. I want to show you some of the blogs that I read everyday and how I have taken to copying their style as a way of seeing myself in a more complete and beautiful way. I am certainly in a time of becoming. And this bit of photography and writing just helps me see what God is doing in my life. It has made me stop to realize how very many of the changes that I have made in my life have been inspired by reading what someone else has shared about her life. I have been very tempted to do a makeover of my blog lately and eliminate many of the past postings. But I think I will leave most of them for now and just continue traveling forward. I hope you enjoy the walk with me.

I drool daily over the photos I see on The Purl Bee, Attic24, BrooklynTweed, and Pleasant View Schoolhouse, Knitorious and Oh Fransson.

Wow. Just the typing of my daily reading list seems like such an incredible way to share a part of myself with you. These blogs are a delicious mix of domesticity, natural and simple living, fiber arts and creating beautiful spaces within your own life that bring you great joy. You will see lots of close up photos of knitted, crocheted, quilted and growing things along with snaps of children, healthy freshly-prepared foods, and cups of tea and java. Sigh. Yummy, relaxing shots of life.

Here are a few particular photos that seemed to sing deep within me and that inspired me to catch the same kind of glimpse into my own life and projects....

This photo is from Attic24.

It is on a day when she was writing about her crochet. I used to crochet quite a bit. Never anything as colorful as what she has been doing, though. Mostly baby afghans. I had set it aside for what I had considered the more complicated and more highly esteemed knitting. I had to rethink my reasoning on all this and have begun to crochet again over the last few weeks. And to try to capture a bit of my Becoming in order to share it with you.... As you can see, I have been hard at work over the last few weeks. I started out with a set of two dishtowels and two hotpads for a swap from my other favorite blog Down to Earth. That is the one that inspires me to make my own natural cleaners and to begin to garden organically. These went out to a mother in El Paso who was delighted with their cheerful brightness.

Then I decided I needed some gifts for some very special teachers that have touched the lives of my children this year. This one is for Nate's preschool teacher who wanted also wanted something Bright. It still needs its handles and lining. I finished the outer bag construction last night at my Keep Me In Stitches meeting. We had a great time of fellowship, encouragement and show and tell!

I have even put more stitches into the very first crochet bag I started months ago. It is also almost done. I just need to choose its lining. It looks so subdued in comparision to all the brightness.

Everytime I carry this bag, I have people ask me to make one for them. I think this bag is well on its way to starting me a business! This is my knitting bag that is made from fabric strips and is fully-lined with six pockets.

This is an afghan I have started to try out a new stitch. I am just using it as a prayerful listening afghan and will donate it to charity when it is finished. It is child-sized.

My projects for this week will be another bag for a teacher out of deep purples, greens and browns and a summer bag for me made out of these refreshing goodies...

Two bags a week made for commission could carry me a long way toward my being able to purchase a loom. It is a dream that has seemed way too far out of my reach. But by finishing things, I am beginning to see it could very well be in my near future. I am thinking that I will use my "sit by the pool and watch my kids swim" time this summer to work for this....

I am thinking that about $350 dollars would get me started nicely with a folding, portable loom I could carry to knitting nights and to classes I teach. It would weave fabric that is about 25 inches wide which is plenty wide for prayer shawls. I am claiming this beauty. It'll be on my table by September! Yippee!

A day for change...

2009-01-20T15:33:00.003-06:00

I am full of hope today for our country's future while a bit wary of the many things that need to change that might not ever happen. I am encouraged by people's desire to unite but wonder about their willingness to sacrifice and to simplify. I guess all we can do is keep working to simplify and to improve the lives of the ones around us. And to continue to shut down the electronics and make real connections with our families, friends and communities. I know that the internet can help make connections, but I also know it can be a distraction that pulls us away from our loved ones and our daily work that needs to be done.

Inauguration Day has finally come. The only thing that would have made it any better in my mind is if Michelle Obama or the girls had worn something really classy that was handknit! I guess I can dream, too, right?

I am currently working on a few pairs of socks for the sock class I am leading this month. I am also slowly working on a baby cardigan (no real reason yet except that I have never made a sweater before!).

Our new semester of study classes start tomorrow at church, and I am leading a looming group. I will be giving weekly demonstrations on the round looms, and we will continue to make hats for the homeless, scarves, shawls and other projects as the needs arise. But mainly we will be working to knit ourselves into a more unified community that is ready to respond to needs of our community and world. I have been tilling the ground for months to be ready for this group's planting. It will be an exciting night.

I am making progress on my Be the Change project. I have looked through my fabric today and have chosen the pieces that I will use to make cloth napkins for us to use instead of paper ones. I cut up an old towel to use instead of paper towels. I will also make me cloth shopping bags. Maddie wants to help me, and I think that is a good eco-chore and sewing project for her. We haven't had the sewing machines out for a while. I am itching to piece a quilt again, too. I still have three or four to finish. But I think I want to start handpiecing the king size one I have already cut out that matches my friend Shelley's. We both pulled fabric from my stash for quilts and I am sad to say that I can hardly tell there is fabric missing. Definitely need to use up what I have this year.

Off to do some handwork and to ponder life.

2009-01-19T16:36:00.004-06:00

I have been cleaning my home today and have had some thoughts stirring around inside of me that I need to get down. I have had some very strong urges over the last few days to return to my journey of a more simple life. After we moved to Jacksonville this summer, I changed some of the ways I had been living to make life easier during the transition into our new church, my new job and the kids back into public school. But after having been here for 7 months now, I am feeling drawn back into a more intentional, organized, and simple life in which I find honor and meaning in the everyday "small" tasks that make up my life.

I found a new blog Down to Earth this morning, and I have been digesting it bit by bit as I work. That particular page has recipes for green cleaners. So here is my crazy radical idea of the day.

Is there a way I can simultaneously reduce my family's waste (there are a lot of us here!), cut our spending, build meaningful relationships, be an impetus for change, and help to create opportunities for people in need to feed their families with honorable work?

I think there is. What a realization to have as I scrubbed the shower. Staring at my Dripping Wet (has anyone ever figured out how to effectively clean a shower without getting wet?) image in the mirror, I had a realization. Ok, maybe a few realizations. I will try to share them with you. But it may take a few days to find all the right words.

First you have to know that my favorite "charity" is Opportunity International. Check it out here if you don't know about it. Watch the videos. Gives me chills just telling you to check it out.

My idea is forming into something like this.....

I decide to make some changes in the way I clean and, therefore, the way I shop. That helps me to feel more honorable about the work I do around my home. It also is great for the environment because it will not only reduce chemicals being used around my home, but also will eliminate a lot of very unnecessary packaging if I am not purchasing said chemical cleaners, soaps, and detergents. This is very good. And the last step is a good one, too. I will estimate the cost of said chemical cleaners and donate that money to Opportunity International instead. Great idea!

But the last bit is the part that has me really excited. I will lead some workshops at the church where people can come together to learn how to make their own cleaners, explore simple ways to reduce their waste and unnecessary packaging, and to journey toward a more simple lifestyle in which relationships are more important than shopping for commercial products and purchasing advertised entertainment. And the fundraising part of it all is almost a reverse fundraiser. We are not asking people to spend any extra money at all. In fact, we are asking them to find ways to spend less while growing in community and dignity so that we can spend the amount we save to help someone else.....

And as in all things....one tiny change leads to another and then another.....

What do you think? I kind of like it.....

A New Day Has Dawned

2008-11-21T08:58:00.006-06:00

My spirit has been longing to write again. To be examined and expressed. The time has come to return to my inner roots that both comfort and challenge me. I spent some time this morning reading my favorite blog by the Yarn Harlot and came across the post A True Story.

If you have never read Stephanie Pearl-McPhee's blog before, it might not mean much to you to see that her latest book made the New York Time's Bestseller list. But it brought me to tears. The whole time I sat here crying I was thinking, "Girl, why are you crying?" But I knew. I was crying tears of joy for a writer who is so unassuming, incredibly entertaining, creative and popular for her "normalcy." I guess her type life is what would be the "normal soccer mom made it to the top" type measure for me. (Except they play lots more hockey in Canada than they do soccer. And I do believe that Stephanie has lots more smarts than Palin. But that is beside the point.)

But I was also crying because I have continued to put off my writing for months at a time when I know that is what I really want to do the most. Even more than knitting and guiding people to connect with their own creativity. But the beauty of it all is that I don't have to do just one thing. It is all such a harmonious package that I get to unwrap each and every day as I choose how I spend my time, what I share with friends, what I decide to learn next and what words I choose to describe it all.

There have been things that have happened this week that have made me swirl in the dimension of "every day could be your last." As a minister's spouse, I already have an unusually high awareness of how fragile life can be because we are called upon in the times of people's lives when things have taken very unexpected turns that leave them feeling overwhelmed and out of control. But there are still times that the delicate nature of life seems even more noticeable.

And in those times I am faced with the decisions of how I would change my life if I knew my days were numbered. (which is really an ironic realization because all of our days are numbered and why we sometimes forget this is really quite odd....) Are there things I would change? Are there ways I would spend my time that are different than my normal routine?

I would make the effort to focus more on my relationships than on my to-do lists.

I would take the time to look each and every person in the eye, to truly listen to what they wanted to say and to try to hear the emotions for which they could not find words to express.

I would share the depths of my love with my husband instead of tucking away parts of myself for "a time when we will not be interrupted."

I would hug and cuddle with my children and let them know they are the joy of my life, the light of my being and the pride of my heart. God didn't create me to just be a mother. It is in my mothering that God has shown me how to be His child.

And most importantly, in all things I would try to worship God. Because that is the what links our life on earth with our time in heaven. A worshipful heart will live in God's presence for all time.

And it is a very good feeling to know that these things that I would do differently are the very things that I have been striving to do every day for several years now. I am steadily working on being more available to others in friendship. And I have made good progress in not withdrawing inside myself for extended amounts of time. At the same time, I am finding balance in the recognition that a certain amount of time to withdraw and listen for God's voice is necessary for my spirit as an artist, writer, minister and authentic one in relationship with others.

Life is very good. Life is very fragile. Life is very unexpected some times. Life is very predictable in others. All the while God is with us, and we are with God. And it is ok to be who we are.

Whether that ever earns us earthly recognition like being on the New York Times Bestseller List or not. Whether our life goes on for sixty more years or ends tomorrow. We are what we are in the palm of God's hand, and we can rest in that comforting understanding.

Not forgotten....

2008-11-16T08:27:00.002-06:00

I haven't forgotten you dear blog. I have just been taking my time adjusting to my new home, new church and new situation. I will be back soon with posts about our growing Hat Ministry and thoughts about life and depression during the wintertime. Life is good, and I really miss writing and talking to friends. Those two things seem to slip away when my depression begins to creep up on my again. But I have taken steps to get it back in check and am ready to move ahead.

Songwriter and Pizza Girl

2008-06-02T09:25:00.009-05:00

I am full of things this morning. I just can't keep my mind from stirring and my hands are just itching to write. So I will add another Rule to my List.

13. When inspiration strikes, go with it!

I spent most of yesterday afternoon writing a song. You heard me right. Are you surprised? I am! But the more I think about it, not so much. I have wanted to write hymns for many years and guess I have actually written quite a few. I just didn't write them down. I just sing them to myself as I go about my work. When I can't remember the words, I just make up new ones and keep going. My kids all heard hundreds of my original versions of hymns when they were babies at the breast.

So my reaction to Buddy's talking yesterday about Fanny Crosby and how she had written close to 1,000 hymns didn't surprise me. Because as usual, the thought had already crossed my mind the day before. Funny how things work that way, eh? I went up after church and jokingly told him I will be his next Fanny. Silly in a way. Not silly at all when I really think about it.

It has been an interesting process because I am normally a prose writer. Lots of long sentences. Lots of words. But as far as I can tell, songs use fewer words than I am used to using. It was a process of filtering and trying to crystallize the ideas and images into phrases. It'll take some practice and some research. Good thing I can listen away all day on my new Zune!

Why would I want to write hymns and songs? Well, for one, they are a lot shorter than books! LOL! Less intimidating to someone with a streak of perfectionism that's a mile wide. And they are such a huge part of my spiritual journey and my life in the church. There is almost always one on my lips and in my mind when I wake up first thing in the morning. I must dream in songs because before I am even fully awake, I am singing one to myself.

Guess this is why I wrestled so hard with God for years about not being a singer. That is the Gift that I wanted! Why couldn't He just give that Gift to me? I would have used it all the time for His glory if He would have just blessed me with pitch. Guess I still wrestle with this one! So, I married a Music Man, and he sings beautifully for both of us. That fateful night in an empty darkened sanctuary almost 19 years ago when I first heard him sing and play the piano, I sealed the deal in my heart forever. I knew he would be my beloved.

And now the very first song I have ever written is dedicated to my Music Man. And it is all about being radical and risky and totally crazed over God. I am lovin' how things work out sometimes. Most of the time. Ok, all the time, if you give it all to God. I can't write the song out here yet because it is a total surprise for my beloved. My friend, Buddy, is working out the kinks for me so I can finalize the words. But here is the refrain so far of my song.

Imagine yourself standing in line for a roller coaster ride. You have just stepped up to the car, look across the platform and see Jesus standing there ready to get in the car with you. And He says....

The Holy Roller Coaster Ride

“Step out of line and follow Me.
Buckle Up, baby
Just wait and see.
Take a deep breath and hold on tight
We’re going on a Holy Roller Coaster Ride.

Things won’t be easy
Things won’t be calm
Together we climb
Together we fall.

So, we'll see how it turns out. It has been a thrilling way to spend the last 24 hours. If nothing else, it has been reaffirming to be able to turn to someone like Buddy who God has placed in my life but whom I have never really gotten to know. It has been good to hand it over to someone I trust and respect and to see what will happen. It might be totally awful! It might really suck. But it was my first try, and it was fun so I am ok with that. Or it might have parts of it that we can rework and turn into something really catchy. It is certainly written for Today. And I am completely intrigued by the idea of being able to put words in Mark's mouth. Grin. I would love for him to write the melodies for me. This one was a surprise, so I haven't shown it to him. But I will show them to him from now on. And Malachi, too. Wouldn't that be a cool family activity? And they can actually play them! I need to get back to my guitar lessons!

Mark chuckled yesterday when I told him I was writing a song. He said something to the effect of "Well, are you just going to try to do absolutely everything you can at least once?" Not a bad idea! I kind of like it. Learning new things keeps me alive. It keeps me fresh. It helps me to realize how things constantly change. That is really important for a person with tendencies towards melancholy and despair. The depressed mind functions differently than a healthy one. Its reality is that nothing will ever change; things will always be as painful as they are today. I much prefer to relish the reality that things will always be changing for me. Things can always start anew.

Before my depression settled in, I had a saying. When things got difficult to deal with, and I didn't know what to do, I would say, "Maybe I'll just go make a pizza." I like pizza. I like chopping all the ingredients and laying them out in cool symmetrical designs (I am an artist and designer after all.....). I like eating them, too. And in my more recent home-making years, I even like rolling out the dough and letting it rise. Making a pizza takes time. It takes some effort. I find it very hard to be angry or filled with gloom while engaged with a pizza. Especially if I have remembered to.....Rule #12. Leave the praise music on.

(Hah! Guess what! I just realized that I did actually get engaged over pizza. Mark and I proposed to each other in Pizzaria Uno in Dallas right before Christmas in 1989!

Off to the kitchen to mix up some pizza dough...well, not really. Not this week since we are all packed up. But maybe I will make that the first thing I cook in my new kitchen. That would be fun!

Kelley's Rules for Peace and Sanity

2008-06-02T09:17:00.003-05:00

Saw this hanging on my refrigerator this morning and realized it would be a fun blog.

1. Stick to your 15-minute intervals. You can do anything for 15 minutes!
2. Sit and knit when teaching school in order to slow down.
3. Plan your meals and then do the shopping.
4. Capture joy and Be funny!
5. Cast away fear and take on the power and energy of the Spirit.
6. Remember we are on a journey.
7. Celebrate what God has done. Count the Blessings!
8. Worship in all things as God prepares us for the next season, whatever it might be.
9. Quit multi-tasking.
10. Pamper yourself and don't forget to get away for a while every few days.
11. Cherish small steps of progress. They will take us where we need to be!
12. Leave the praise music on!

So if you were to wander into my kitchen, that is what you would see right on the side of the fridge above my beloved Java Pot. I must read those Rules for Peace and Sanity 10 times a day. Each one is tried and true for me. Why don't you write your own and post them where you can see them often? It helps to remind ourselves of the things we know work for us.....

Surrounded by boxes but dwelling forever in His love,
Kelley

Newsboys "A Letter"

2008-06-01T09:16:00.001-05:00

This is one of the songs our praise team sings regularly. I have to admit, I always imagine that they are singing it just to me. This is the kind of song I need to hear on a regular basis. Check it out if you haven't heard it. Great group, those Newsboys....

I wrote you a letter
Things could be better
Full of promises, every hope and dream
Did you get it
Have you read it
Talks about you and me
And the future, you see
Something no one can do
Is take the place of you
Can't you see you're....one of a kind

CHILD, YOU'RE LIKE A STAR
SET APART
SET APART FROM THE START OF THE WORLD
THIS IS YOUR TIME
RISE AND SHINE
CHILD, YOU'RE ONE OF A KIND

Sometimes every thing's too much
Like the deepest cut
*It hurts* to be touched
When you hear it
If you feel it
Don't let it have its way
I'm writing to say
Something no one can do
Is take the place of you
Oh can't you see you're...one of a kind

[Repeat Chorus]

I know it's hard to hear promises
When the blue has turned to grey
Nobody said it was easy
But I know you'll find your way

Underachieving?

2008-06-01T08:58:00.004-05:00

Remember how I said yesterday that I now write what seems true for that day and then write a new piece tomorrow? Well, today I wouldn't use the word "failure" to describe how I felt about myself. I would choose something that expresses more of the idea that I didn't live up to my full potential. Or maybe that I had yet to realize some of the dreams that run deep for me.

Just didn't want all of you who care about me all up in arms on my behalf. I am fine. I've been enjoying the time to process things as we prepare to move. Nothing like packing up your life to encourage growth and change. We seem to do this a lot! No wonder I have grown so much! LOL! Off to worship....

Grace

2008-05-31T15:20:00.004-05:00

Just laid down to rest for a while and heard this U2 song for the very first time. How very perfect after what I had just written. It is called "Grace." God help me to be more like Grace. The correlation with my designing name, Daisy Grace, is not lost on me.

Grace
She takes the blame
She covers the shame
Removes the stain
It could be her name

Grace
It's a name for a girl
It's also a thought that
Changed the world

And when she walks on the street
You can hear the strings
Grace finds goodness
In everything

Grace
She's got the walk
Not on a wrapper on chalk
She's got the time to talk

She travels outside
Of karma, karma
She travels outside
Of karma

When she goes to work
You can hear the strings
Grace finds beauty
In everything

Grace
She carries a world on her hips
No champagne flute for her lips
No twirls or skips
Between her fingertips

She carries a pearl
In perfect condition
What once was hers
What once was friction
What left a mark
No longer stains

Because grace makes beauty
Out of ugly things

Grace finds beauty
In everything

Grace finds goodness
In everything

Realization upon realization

2008-05-31T13:12:00.014-05:00

(I have been asked by the women of my church to share my testimony this next week at a prayer breakfast. After writing this piece this morning, I am realizing that this really is it. Didn't even realize that is what I was writing.....Guess this is what I will be sharing next Saturday morning.)

The last few days have opened the floodgates within my mind and my spirit. I feel more free to express myself than I ever have. I have realized that I need to write for me and me only. Writing is the process that allows me to fully experience my life. If others like it, great. If others are upset by it, sorry about that. I will always be sensitive to others' feelings, but this is my story. They are free to write their own. And I encourage them to do so!

For so many years, I have failed to write because it would not be perfect. Basically, I wanted to sit down and write the finished book in perfect form to submit to a publisher. That is insane. So much of writing is allowing the ideas to flow. Of learning how to capture them. Of learning how to describe things in interesting ways. Of riding the rhythym. So my new motto goes something like this. "Write what is true today, and then write a new piece tomorrow."

This morning through my journaling process I have learned that my choices in life have not been "bad" or "wrong." But rather they have been distinctly and utterly my own. And I have done the best that I have known how with the tools that I had at the time the decisions had to be made. No regrets. And what is more exciting to me is the realization that the driving force in my life has been the gathering of more and more tools to use to better relate to others, better manage my life, better care for myself and better commune with God. But the way I am before I get a new tool is not "bad." If anything it is just untrained. Thank goodness there are lots of things to learn in life! Plenty to keep me busy.

I had deep and unplanned dreams for many years to be a photojournalist who traveled the world, camera in hand, hair pulled back gently in a ponytail at the nape of my neck. Plain cotton t-shirts, supportive tennis shoes, and a thick notebook at the ready. Photographer. Writer. Capturer of the moment. Seizer of the Day.

Until this morning, I had considered myself a failure. Never been able to travel much because of lack of money. Pretty much stationed at home caring for my family. But look at this layout and tell me it isn't photojournalism.....describing life as I see it on a daily basis. Infusing the average and common life that surrounds us each day with new meaning. That is what I do. It might not be photographing an African safari (well, it has its similarities sometimes!) but it is infinitely more meaningful to me. I know my life has been profoundly changed by reading others' journaling. (That is what gave me the courage to start losing my weight and loving myself afterall.....) (click on image to read journaling.)

Truly, being able to find meaning and a new opportunity for growth from a huge pile of unfolded socks has to be from God. I am not able to see things like that and find the humor in those situations on my own. But we had a very memorable ceremony the other night that fully dissolved my job of Sock Worker forever. Each had to come forward to claim their beloved cotton foot coverings and plegde to care for them regularly on their own. It was classic, if I do say so myself. I will post the ceremony later for other mothers of large families to use if you wish!

Back to the program, these are the lives that are within my care. These are the hearts that God has entrusted to my guidance. These are the souls who are striving to discover who they are and what they might be able to do to make the world a better place.

And, yes, I think I can help in that process. I think I can help because I am actively trying to discover the same things for myself. It changes daily as new people and things are placed within my path. You have to learn to listen to yourself and to God. You have to learn to trust that what you are hearing and what you are thinking is right. You have to have the confidence to define yourself. You have to have the respect to listen to others when they tell you things you need to hear. You have to have the courage to stand firm when you really would rather run and hide. You have to have the curiosity to keep seeking out new experiences from which to learn. You have to have faith that pain will not last forever and that if you delve deeper into the pain when it seems too much to bear, that you will emerge on the other side a changed person. Not better necessarily, but more mature. More developed. Sharper and purer from the refiner's fire. And most of all you have to realize that if you are open to it, you will continue to grow and change forever. Because that is the deal God has for us if we are willing to accept it. He will continue to use us and mold us and define us for His glory.

But, friends, sometimes it hurts. Hurts so badly you think you can't keep on living. Sometimes you grieve so hard for things you have lost or experiences you will never have that you want to just quit trying. Sometimes you wonder why you are such a fool for believing such a radical God. Life could be so much easier if we just sat this one out. It wouldn't hurt so badly if we didn't keep opening ourselves up to others only to be hurt again. It wouldn't interfere so much with our own goals and plans if we would just turn away from the Voice. If He would just leave us alone, we think we would be at peace.

Never. I would never experience peace without the knowledge that all that I am going through will someday somehow be for His eternal glory. He can only use it all because I allow it. But that is the only way I can stand firm and sometimes walk directly into the fire. And I am here to say, without a doubt, there has never been a time I have been through a trial that has not made me stronger and more ready to help someone else at a later time. But there have been times I honestly thought it would kill me first.

So, I have defined myself as a failure for having not traveled the world taking priceless photos of the people in faraway lands. But I realize today, that I have traveled the topography of the human heart in ways that continue to amaze me. For me to be sitting here in a positive mental state medicine-free, in an organized home, among 5 happy, well-adjusted children, with the love and support of a faithful husband to whom I am open and available, almost completely debt free, and fully open to relationships with others .....well that is simply a miracle.

A beautiful, complex, divine miracle. And I am so humbled to be used by God as an interpreter when needed to those experiencing any of the things I have experienced. I have been physically disabled twice and on a walker, unable to perform simple daily tasks. I have been so severely depressed that I slept 18 hours per day and could not answer the telephone or leave my home. I have lost a baby and endured all the well-meaning remarks of how it must have been God's plan. Ick. Double Ick. I have gone through times so emotionally challenging that I thought the emotional pain would never end. I have lived in a home with things stacked so high around me that I had to walk through paths of boxes and stacks of things in order to get around. I have lost 50 pounds of weight that I really never thought I could lose.

But things have changed. And I have cleared it all out. Bit by Bit. I have learned how to break huge jobs down into small parts. I have learned how to keep working at things even when it seems you will never succeed. I have become a devotee of "baby steps" as a way to do anything. You can do anything for 15 minutes. (Go get a timer, and see if I am not right. You just have to keep coming back to do it again and again for 15 minutes each time.) I have learned how to give God my paralyzing fear and social anxiety. Minute by minute if necessary until it is no longer crippling. It might not ever fully go away, but it becomes manageable. Sometimes it does go away completely. It just depends. I have learned to be flexible and to not expect things to always be a certain way. I flow freely back and forth within certain confines dealing with things as they arise. I have learned we have choices and how to make them. Then, more importantly, like today, how to learn to love myself for the choices I have made. What else have I learned? I am sure there are many things I am forgetting that I can add later. Or not. I now know that my list does not have to be exact and complete in order to be a good list.

Each of us has our own calling. We are made to do and be different things, knowing full well that God can change and equip us at any time for something completely different. I choose to let go and go on that holy roller coaster ride. And for me, right now, one of the callings on my life is to share my experiences and the things I have learned with others. I know for a fact that my sharing things that seem too personal to share or too awkward for some has saved lives. The comments I have received have told me that it has touched their lives right smack dab in the middle of their gut-wrenching pain and it has given them hope. So I keep plugging along, bit by bit, trying to stretch myself further and further so as to have more about which to write. For I only feel qualified to write about the things that I have experienced firsthand. That can be a scary prospect to which to surrender. Think about it. But it is worth every minute of it. And I can't imagine having lived a life without so many opportunities for realizing God's abiding presence. Much of the last 10 years has been spent living directly in the palm of His hand because things were too fragile for me to imagine it any other way. But that is ok.

Life is good. God is good. Amen.

Please comment if this spoke to you....for that is my inspiration for writing....

Layouts from Lost and Found...

2008-05-29T19:54:00.003-05:00

Saw these pop up on my screensaver and realized I never posted them here.....

Click on layout to read journaling....

Sock Mountain!

2008-05-29T19:03:00.018-05:00

Somebody save me from Sock Mountain! This is one of those undeniable, "in your face" signs that I have a lot of kids. Most of the time, I feel normal. Most of the time, all the people around me aren't much trouble. That is, until I have to scale Sock Mountain! Then I know without a doubt that I have a VERY LARGE family! I am sure everyone already knows that God created summertime and sandals to save my sanity!

Fire away, organizational experts! I'll be sure to pass on the tips to the family. I have tried buying everyone a laundry bag and telling them to put their own socks in it. That one would really work if everyone would just do it!

I have tried buying each person a certain type. The older boys tried to go all black. Mark swears he does his own wash and can't figure out how his get mixed in. I have thought about throwing them all away and starting over. But have you checked the price of socks lately?

This is one job I am quitting with this move. No more! I am going to knit all my own socks so there is absolutely NO QUESTION of which ones are mine, and then I am going to quit! I am totally finished with socks forever. Except for my obsession with knitting my own out of expensive squishy yummy sock yarn.... Yeah, the $20 a pair kind of yarn....

Think about it. It requires 14 separate piles to sort. Two piles for each person. One for Matched Socks. One for Still Needs to Be Matched. Oh, wait a second. It takes 15 piles. There are always those socks that I have no idea to whom they belong! Where are the days when all the feet in the house were smaller than the parents'? And what about the ones that need to be thrown away? That is 16 piles! And heaven forbid if I make it halfway through the process and have to clear the bed off to sleep!

Maybe I could sew each pair together? Or cut off all their feet? Or just quit doing laundry altogether? The only thing that works is to just break out the Zune, tune into a good book and keep climbing the mountain..... Tonight it is 80s music. Good for the soul!

I might even be able to finish all 52 hours of Outlander with this one! LOL!

Oh wait a minute! I remember another Mom giving me some advice. It went something like this....D-E-L-E-G-A-T-E!

(Leaving room hollering....."Kids! Hey Kids! Nick, Malachi, Maddie, Ben and Nate!"

thinking to self "where did all those feet go this time?"

Easter Blessings for Christie!

2008-05-22T09:08:00.003-05:00

Packing up all my stuff has really inspired me to create this week! Here is a layout I did for my friend Christie.

Jewel by Eva K, eyelet by Dianne Rigdon, cardboard flower (recolored) by Kim Higueria, tear action by Atomic Cupcake, cardboard frame by sbartolini, scallop border, striped paper and tag by Miss Mint, spring beads by Shabby Princess, ribbon frame by dinskip, kraft border by TinaW, green flower by

Boxed In!

2008-05-20T11:31:00.002-05:00

Moving day is less than one month away, and I am over 75% done with the packing for which I am responsible. Yah! I believe I might have time in the last week before we load the truck to knit on my socks, do some scrapbooking and get together with some friends while I am cleaning and finishing the last details. Still can't believe it! Feels great. Hope to make a lot more progress this week so each day becomes less stressful. We load the truck on the 14th of June.

I am going to leave most of my studio and homeschool materials packed away for the first year we are there. I have a box of things to use with Nate since he will still be homeschooled this next year. But the others are all returning to public school, and I am going to take the opportunity to keep things out of sight so that I can focus on some projects that I have needed to finish for a while. It is hard to decide to work on just one thing when you have supplies for hundreds surrounding you all the time! At least it is for me. So I am going to experiment and see if it increases my productivity.

I have one room in my house that is now almost full of boxes. My carport is over half full too. Can't wait to get them loaded on the truck! Back to packing. If I disappear, come over and look through all these large boxes until you see one with light inside. I'll be in there with a book, a diet coke, some knitting and a pillow!

Hannah's Prom Album

2008-05-18T18:16:00.005-05:00

Lace mat by enambleem, jewel by Eva K, flower (recolored) by Kim Higueria, tag by Miss Mint, border by katja_kromann.com, page border by Teriann Hanks, round frame (recolored) by bkern, rectangle frame by dinskip, lace by MCO, background papers by (name coming soon), inking action by Atomic Cupcake

Border by katja_kromann.com, eyelet by Dianne Rigdon, ribbon and flower by bboon, paper scallop and background paper by Miss Mint, sheer ribbon by R Penner, mat lace by enableem, photo border by A Clegg, background paper by Songbird Avenue Take flight kit, font is pea Lacy. Photos by me.

Dragonflies by Krystal Hartley, border (recolored) by katja_kromann.com, ribbon (recolored) by R Penner, circle doodle, background paper and heart by Miss Mint, layered frame by sbartolini, page border by Teriann Hanks, jewel by Eva K, circle frame by Songbird Avenue Take Flight kit. Photos by me.

The butterfly, ribbon, frame, stitching and paper are all from Songbird Avenue's Take Flight kit. The font is Pea Lacy. The grunge frame, graph paper and photo are my own work.

Take Flight, My Hands, Take Flight....

2008-05-17T14:54:00.004-05:00

Tomorrow, I will be commissioned as a Stephen Minister. After 52 hours of training, I am deemed ready to serve. We were asked to design a symbol that represents Stephen Ministry to us. I chose this little birdie perched upon my hands....

All papers and elements are from the Songbird Avenue May 2008 Take Flight Kit benefitting the Komen Foundation. Great kit! Great cause! Can't get any better than that!

Here is the journaling that goes with this layout...
"My hands. The hands of my dear mother. The hands of my dear grandmothers and generations before them. The hands of a wife, loving and caring for her beloved. Nudging him forward and gently drawing him back home. The hands of a momma holding and patting her children. Rubbing their backs and holding their hands. Urging them from the nest, excited about where they are going while worrying about how far away it might take them. A smile and a sigh at the same time. Hands that clean, and then clean again. Everyday the same tasks but motions of the heart. Repetitive tasks freeing the mind and spirit to listen, pray and believe. Holding your loved ones close while setting them free to soar. Grieving all the losses while celebrating the blessings that come when you are open to change and follow God’s whispered urgings in your heart. All the while, wondering how things will turn out in the end. Am I being true to myself and honoring God in all things? Have I faithfully fulfilled the relationships God has placed in my life? Have I loved, guided and instructed my children in the ways that will lead to health, purpose and fulfillment? Have I brought out the best in my husband and given him the support and encouragement he needs in order to be the man God has called him to be? Can others see beyond the daily tasks I complete to the love of God that stirs me on? Can they feel the touch of God and the healing of the Holy Spirit when I am near? Or do my own desires and issues get in the way? Have I learned how to truly listen and to sit still and let another person come before me time after time? Will it ever seem easy to be true to myself while letting myself fall away? Hands that serve as often as they can. Hands that are scared to reach out. Hands that sometimes want to hide. Hands that have now learned many skills that can help draw a person into communion with God, but that need to be willing to sit still so as to not distract a person from God’s presence and voice. Hands that must continually balance proper care for self, devotion to God and outreach to others. Hands that desire to live and serve in a way that bring respect to situations that might seem difficult to embrace. Hands that are now ready to be the hands of a Stephen Minister. Hands that have belonged to God for a very long time. Hands that must stay anchored at home while finding time to work for others. Thank you, God, for my hands."

Looking for my latest designs?

2008-05-06T13:35:00.004-05:00

I am in the process of switching over most of my designing to the name Daisy Grace Designs. So check out the link in the sidebar to the new Daisy Grace blog to see my latest work! There is a new Daisy Grace Designs google group that is for Customer Rewards. You can see all my latest products and get exclusive new release discounts available only to loyal customers! You can find a sign up box on the new Daisy Grace blog.

Sweeping Thoughts....

2008-04-19T10:47:00.010-05:00

Mark and I have been spending lots of time lately searching, reading, talking and exploring our idea of ministry and how to best lead a church body toward their goals. As I was sweeping the floor and praising God (because I always try to worship as I clean house....I know, awkward thought at first...but it works out great once you process it....), I realized that relationships are the root of all that we do in ministry. If you want a people to love and worship God and have an ongoing, loving relationship with God, then they must first know how to love and accept themselves for what God made them to be. Otherwise, they find little understanding in the act of worship because they are continually viewing God as Other and disconnected from themselves.

A healthy relationship with oneself is vital to the process and can manifest itself not only in self-acceptance, but also in making it a priority to care for one's body, soul and mind. Freeing ourselves from the bondage of past hurts and failures and learning how to encourage ourselves in a respectful and non-punishing way are key to moving forward. So often times, I hear people wanting to deny themselves of any time or attention so that they may better serve God and others. But that can only last so long before the entire Tower begins to topple. On the other hand, I hear people who are so absorbed in themselves that there is little connection to others or God. That won't work either.

So I guess my understanding is that it is necessary as individuals and as a body of Christ to get our minds, our bodies and our spirits in order so that we can move on to a truer kind of worship than most of us have probably ever experienced before. It is a kind of worship that is enhanced with others while in a public sanctuary, but whose root really lies in the inner-workings of your life, your inner personal relationships and your growth experiences. You have a true reason to be thankful and to give God praise, and you are ready to band together with others to serve your God and others in a fresh and meaningful way.

I think most of my ministry focuses on these areas of personal relationships and growth experiences. I have never really been able to pinpoint why I felt so called to these areas, especially since I communicate with others in this area in a sideways fashion. I offer ministries in the areas of the creative arts as a vehicle that encourages people to open up and share. When your hands are busy and you are encouraged by others, your mind is free to ponder things that aren't usually as easy to think about. The creative process frees the spririt to want to soar and pushes the mind to see new possibilities. I am sure there are plenty of other ways to bring people to the point of wanting to make changes in their lives and seeing that all changes really are just a series of baby steps. This is just the process that seems the most natural to me. And now I am understanding how it all fits into the larger goals of being a worshipful and serving church.

Just wanted to share the thoughts I had while I was sweeping. Grin. Watch out, I am about to vacuum! Another grin.

Then I think I am going to go into town and reward myself with a skein of sock yarn. If you haven't heard, I am seriously obsessed with learning how to knit socks. Mismatched, bright and fun socks like these....
http://www.socklady.com/adult-cotton-socks.php

Why? Well, the creative process frees the mind to soar, right? It helps you to see things in a new way. Makes perfect sense right now when we are processing our move. Plus doing things that are really, really hard (which socks are really, really hard for me right now!) makes all the other things on your To Do Before We Move List seem much easier. I'll show you the sock yarn when I get back. Maybe you'll be inspired to create something!

As always, feel free to comment.

Christmas Eve 2007 Photo Shoot

2008-04-18T20:54:00.014-05:00

Here are some of the photos I took on Christmas Eve. I had been telling myself for five years that I was going to set up a place in my home that had good natural light so I could photograph my kids easily. Well, I spent $20 on Christmas Eve and gave myself this gift of a backdrop! It is simply a beige sheet that hangs from a simple cafe curtain rod on the wall. My couch usually sits in front of it. People know I am quirky anyway, but if they ask why there is a curtain hanging in the middle of the wall, I just point to the framed photos that I have taken in front of said backdrop. (Oh yeah, guess I need to get some printed so I can point to them. Add that to the To Do Before We Move List.)

Regardless of my quirkiness or lack of printing photos, I hope you enjoy seeing these! More to come once they are cropped! (By the way, Nate was upset because he was tired of wearing the hat....and you can see that was the end of the Christmas Eve Photo Shoot!)

Seeing my work in a new light.....

2008-04-18T12:49:00.012-05:00

I was playing around the other day after browsing http://www.art.com/ to see if I could make some posters like the ones you see of artist's work when you visit a gallery or museum. These are all digital scrapbooking papers I made using numerous brushes, overlays and textures.... (Click on any image in the blog to see it larger.)

2008-04-18T12:35:00.002-05:00

This photo was taken by my friend Sharyn Law-Davis. I applied various filters in Photoshop to get the watercolor effect.

More Photo Art....

2008-04-18T12:26:00.005-05:00

This was a piece I did at Christmas time when our friend sang Mercy Me's "Joseph's Lullaby".
I extracted a picture of a cross from a stock photo and embedded it in Jesus' hand to show the tension in the knowledge that Joseph's new baby boy would some day be crucified to save the world. After I made it to be shown in church while the song was sung, I changed my mind. I was concerned that some people might be troubled by such a graphic visual display on Christmas Eve. But I have since shown it the friend in whose honor it was made, and he loves it. So I will print him one to frame before we move. (Add that to the To Do Before We Move List!)

Booneville's Transformation

2008-04-18T11:02:00.006-05:00

This is a custom photo collage I made this last week after a Cargill factory in our town caught on fire. It was a devastating loss to our town's economy as the company was the largest employer. But the town's ministerial fellowship formed a non-profit that managed to secure donations of food and gather together various helping agencies who could distribute grant money through one central location, The South Logan County Family Resource Center. They sponsored a job fair that had many employers present offering more jobs than were actually lost. In my mind, this has been a time of incredible transformation for the town as it pulled together in very real ways to overcome a disaster.

The background photo is an aerial shot of Booneville I took from my friend's plane. Then I layered a stock photo of smoke on top to symbolize the fire. The hand and the butterfly are both stock photos that I extracted as well.

It was a meaningful process for me to use my digital artistry to capture a moment in the time of our town. So I have spent time making some more digital art pieces to hang on the walls at the Family Resource Center as inspiration to those who come in for help. Here are some of the ones I have completed so far. They are 8x10's.

Hannah and Alex's Prom Photos

2008-04-18T11:00:00.013-05:00

This is my best friend's daughter who happens to be a very good friend of mine, too. Talk about an incredible young woman! She is one of the only ones I trust to care for my children for me. Her very first date happened to be to Prom! I was so honored to be asked to come out to their home and take some photos.

I chose to take her up to the barn because I just really like the photos that hightlight extreme contrast in texture and style. They raise goats and the barn and choring are a large part of their life. Then we went to the swing because that is Hannah's escape and where she spends most of her spare time singing and swinging. I couldn't pass up the chance to have her blow her mother a kiss to symbolize her sweet exit from childhood. Gives me chills! And the car driving away...well we all know the symbolism behind that one!

With only some minor adjusting, I came up with these. I learned a lot about the lighting issues and know for certain now that it is better to shoot the subjects entirely in the shade. Lesson learned! Thanks for being such cooperative subjects everybody!

Call me a Slacker!

2008-04-17T09:44:00.008-05:00

It has been 5 months since I have blogged! Call me a Slacker! Call me whatever you like!

My dad told me he actually looked at my blog the other day so now I have a reason to keep blogging! There have been so many things that have happened in these five months that I will just list them out to catch you up (but I will not promise they will be in any particular order!)

We were shocked to learn that we will be moving to a new church, new town and new life this June. The bishop has asked us to move to Jacksonville First United Methodist Church, and we will do so obediently because we are incredibly committed to the itinerate system of the United Methodist Church. But we can't hide the fact that it came as a complete shock to us since we have only been here in Booneville for 22 months. Just seems like I have driven through town waving at people as we drove by now that I know we are leaving. There were lots of ministries and friendships that I never got to develop and that reminds me that you can never take your time with people for granted. You have to do the things you want to do when you want to do them or you risk the chance of not getting to do them at all. Did that make sense?
All that being said, after we have had time to adjust to the idea, we are incredibly excited for the new season in our ministry that is fast-approaching. We like the idea of being in a larger city with more choices and in being in a larger church that offers us more support staff. We can't wait to see what God has in store for us in Jacksonville.
I have received a calling to start a non-profit called ArtReach that will bring people together while learning the creative arts. It will provide a much needed place for people to gather, share resources and encourage each other. I am thinking I will return to school soon to get a graduate certificate in starting a Non-Profit so that I go about it all in the right way. I am very excited and am so glad to have a clearer vision for my Art Ministry. A large portion of it that I would like to get started soon is an online ministry that provides the patterns and designs for monthly meetings within churches. For example, The Card Connection will be a ministry that will provide the designs and instructions so that groups within any church can gather together for fellowship and cardmaking. It is my way of building on the roots of the ministry I have started here at Booneville while making it available to any church that is interested. I set up the blog this morning so hopefully I can have something up soon!
The kids will be returning to public school this fall when we move. There are lots of ideas that have gone into this decision which I won't detail here. But some of the major factors for me were my being able to return to school for my master's and work more closely with Mark in the church and their being able to attend an integrated school. They say they are excited, and I am praying the transition will be fairly easy for all of us.
Nick has now chosen to be to move with us in June and to call our family his own. He will be attending Arkansas Tech this fall. This is exciting for us, and we are so honored to have an almost 19 year old as our fifth child! If you don't know, Nick moved in with us last fall to finish his senior year at Booneville High after his mother moved to another town. He has fit in with our family incredibly well, and we are very glad to now be a family of 7!
I started a Hat Project in our church to benefit Arkansas Children's Hospital and since January close to 30 church members have made about 150 hats! I have taught most of them how to use the Knifty Knitter looms and the hats just keep pouring in! I had to add an extra basket at the altar this last week because they were spilling out onto the floor! It has been an incredible ministry to lead because it has really taken so little time and effort. I have not had any scheduled meetings or lessons. I have just taught people here and there after church or when they asked to learn. And then they started teaching other family members or friends. It is a cross-generational, cross-gender ministry that has brought us together in a fun way! Arkansas Children's Hospital has this project every single year so I hope the Booneville church will continue on after I am gone and that I can start the same Project at the Jacksonville church. It has been fun to see how my idea to make 50 hats on my own this year has turned into so much more. I am uplifted to hear how the hatmaking has been a comforting process for so many as they have ventured into working with fibers for the very first time!
Maddie is now learning how to play the bass guitar and is loving the fact that she is now part of our guitar-crazed family!
Mark played in church with the praise band for the first time this last month. He did a great job!
Malachi has played in a local restaurant called the Blackboard Cafe and has been playing during the Mosaic worship services with the youth band. He just keeps learning more and more!
I was honored to shoot pictures for Hannah Yeager before she went on her first date which happened to be to a PROM! I think a lot of them turned out quite lovely and was blessed by the experience.
After 3 years of gradual weight loss, I am proud to say that I am only 20 pounds away from my goal weight! I have now lost 40 pounds, and I have started to train for a half-marathon this November! I never would have thought.... I have just started the process and can't even run a half-mile yet! It should be fun to chart the progress! I'll keep you updated as I keep moving toward my goal of being healthier at 40 than I was at 25.....

I am sure there were lots of other things I could mention, but that will get this slacking blog more up to date! We are currently looking for housing in Jacksonville, and I am starting to sort and pack. The time will come so very soon. I know once I start tearing the house apart, there is very little time to rest and relax. So I took this last weekend to become totally obsessed with learning how to knit socks. I am still learning how to knit and for some reason am obsessed with the idea of knitting socks. Bright, fun and comfortable socks I can wear with clogs or MaryJanes. I finally decided the method I wanted to learn. Most of my spare time lately has been spent on http://www.ravelry.com/ It is an incredible social and technical resource for knitters and crocheters. Loaded with free patterns, forums, galleries, and neat ways to track your projects and stash!

I am learning how to do a technique called Magic Loop on one circular needle. I have chosen to knit two socks at one time so that I completely avoid finishing one sock and never knitting a matching one. (Yes, I am quite self-aware!) Although fashion articles lately have indicated a trend toward wearing mismatched socks so that might be in my artsy future! Watch out!

I'll try to post some newer pictures soon! Much love! Kelley

Art Lesson!

2007-11-04T08:52:00.000-06:00

Came across this shot of us having an art lesson (watercolors) and loved how it looked! That huge table is such an integral part of our lives. It is where we eat three meals a day and do about half of all our school. I have rearranged that room now so that is sits outside of the kitchen a bit, but it is still very much the center of most things that happen here!

Living a Musical Dream....

2007-11-04T08:35:00.000-06:00

Musical Chairs at Pop and Nana's

2007-11-04T08:31:00.000-06:00

I have to say that my favorite time I spend with Mark's family is almost always wrapped up in music. His brother Ron plays the guitar and the dulcimer and surely knows how to entertain all of us! When he pulls out his guitar, I know that it won't be long until we are all laughing and relaxing. I have wanted that type atmosphere in my home for many years and am very excited that Mark, Nick, and Malachi are learning how to play the guitar. I am hoping they will learn how to play some fun songs for the kids, too. Maddie and I want to learn as well so maybe among all of us we can find the spark that can bring that type of laughter into our home on a regular basis. Thanks Ron for an evening of musical chairs after Aunt Betty's funeral. It helped to lighten the load.

Hmmmm. What to do about the camera?

2007-11-04T08:11:00.000-06:00

I am a bit bummed. I really haven't taken many good pictures this year. It seems that I am just not taking the time to push my limits in this area. And the ones I am taking seemed to be just rushed shots with icky backgrounds that disappoint me. I have a very nice Rebel, but can't really afford to get the zoom lens that I want and never seem to remember to switch to all the fancy settings to adjust my lighting and such. So my heart just fell when my friend Shelley pulled out her new camera yesterday. She researched and spent $150 on a Canon at Best Buy that has a large LCD and is a 7.3 megapixel! And it would fit in her purse. So I think I am going to get me a smaller camera again so maybe I will shoot some more pictures when we are out and about without having to manage the bulk of my Rebel. The days are flying by and I am starting to regret that I haven't shot more pics of the kids. And I certainly haven't scrapped any in a long time. Not quite sure the reasons why except that I have been spending most of my spare time designing. But I think it is time to start playing again with all my digital stuff if I want to have any energy to design. I am running on empty. Not in terms of ideas, but in the motiviation to get stuff done. I now share my computer with 5 kids and it is hard to leave all my design programs open during the days anymore. I would really like to have a laptop I could work on back in my room where it is quiet, but I am scared it would make me feel guilty for being "out of the loop" and away from the action. I guess since it is a laptop, I could carry it in the living room to the table, too. But for now, I have to make due with what I have which is a very shared space that requires even more focus and determination on my part. There are so many areas in my life right now that require this high level of organization and focus that I just don't get as excited about my hobby being like that too! Guess this post should be titled, "What to do with my free time?" I'll have some time to think and recharge my spirit this week. Then we'll see.

Mr. Bones in action!

2007-11-04T08:10:00.000-06:00

Such a Frightening bunch!

2007-11-04T08:06:00.000-06:00

Here's the crew earlier this week! Nate was Mr. Bones or Funny Bones and Malachi was just wearing a mask because that is all 12 year old boys are really interested in! He stayed home with me and helped me pass out the candy while the other ones went around town with Mark. I spent the hour rearranging the little guys' room so that when they got home I could give them a "treat" of having more room to play with all their toys. We took the day off school and went out to eat lunch. But we all ate too much and that made us tired. Sigh! I hate it when that happens!

2007-11-04T08:01:00.000-06:00

I hadn't blogged the ones I took earlier this week! Maddie and Ben helped me bake for the gifts I needed to give as a hostess at Tour of Tables. This year we made pumpkin fudge and lemon bars. Let's just say I was glad when all the fudge left the house yesterday! It is too good to be kept around!

2007-11-04T07:47:00.000-06:00

Maddie spent most of the afternoon baking his birthday cake for him! Thanks to my friend, Angel, she now knows how to make icing stars and is starting to decorate a cake more professionally. She even did the writing all by herself! Not bad at all for an almost 11 year old! Sometimes I miss making the cakes, but then I see her face when she is done and know it was right to pass that family tradition on to her! I would love to buy her a few shaped pans so she can practice! Remind me to check garage sales!

2007-11-04T07:42:00.000-06:00

Maddie gave him her old cell phone so he could start learning how to use it and could enjoy playing the games that are on it.

Benjamin Turns 7!

2007-11-04T07:40:00.000-06:00

We had a fun little party last night with just our family and the interns (who are like our immediate family now!) Our "little" parties are actually 12 of us in all! We had a super busy week with Halloween and my getting ready for the Tour of Tables at church, so we just did a family party last night and will see about having his friend over later. But he had a great time and got a new scooter, a new game to play, his first cap gun, and a spy watch and spy binoculars from his Daddy! The interns brought him a Zoom-O which was a big hit with all of us!

2007-10-27T10:28:00.000-05:00

Click on image to enlarge!

2007-10-27T09:11:00.000-05:00

It is the weekend before a very busy month begins in our home. This week holds a charity banquet where I am hosting a table that I must decorate in the theme of Mexican Christmas. I have most of my table's details planned already. I just need to decide on the gifts I am going to give to those who sit at my table. I just realized that pralines are Mexican, so I might have just figured out that last piece to the puzzle!

This week is also Halloween, of course, and I haven't even considered how the boys might dress up. I hope there is something suitable in the costume bag! And Saturday is Benjamin's 7th birthday! I haven't begun to think about how we might celebrate that either, but it will need to be on Sunday afternoon because on Monday morning I leave on a trip with Mark to Minneapolis for a week without any of the kids. I really think the last time I left all of them was when Mark and I went to Rio Bravo on mission. I will have to dig deep to remember what year that was. It was before Benjamin was born. They stayed with my parents in Houston.

Then the week after that is my birthday and then Thanksgiving!

The years since then have been filled with having two more children, switching to homeschooling and doing very few things without at least some of the kids with me. Which honestly I enjoy most of the time. But I am really looking forward to a week away with my Love. There has been very little time for just us lately so we have chosen to drive instead of fly so we can visit on the way! I hope all of us stay well and that we get to go ahead as planned!

I am off to the store to gather the goodies for my pralines and a crockpot full of my Championship Bean Dip for a outdoor concert and movie at our good friends' farm tonight!
I hope to get a layout done of my Benjamin growing through the years. That would be appropriate for this week!

A typical school day for us!

2007-10-02T19:32:00.000-05:00

I am zapped of energy tonight, but there are still so many things I would like to do. I guess it will all have to wait as I sense an early bedtime coming on. We had a very productive school day today. I never really share what we are actually studying in school so I think I might do that occasionally. We follow the methods outlined in the Well-Trained Mind. Malachi and Maddie are both in the rhetoric stage, and Benjamin is in the 1st grade and grammar stage. When we got done with school today and I made notes about what we had done, I was amazed by our efforts! So I will share them with you.

We started out with an art activity dealing with texturizing with random lines and patterns while I read from Flight of the Phoenix (adventure story based in Egypt).

Then I read them a section from a new book I picked up yesterday called the Impressionsists. Today's painting was one by Boutin. We have been working on watercolor painting for our art lessons the last few months and today was our first day to start studying famous painters. We will look at one painting each day and discuss its composition and significance.

Later we completed a language lesson on simple and complex predicates and subjects and 4 types of sentences (imperative, interrogative, declarative and exclamatory) We are also memorizing the helping and linking verbs and will begin diagramming sentences tomorrow. I am using A Beka's Language C and Spelling and Vocabulary 6 with Malachi and Maddie and Language and Spelling 1 with Ben.

All of us are studying Ancient History this year (prehistory to the fall of Rome), and are using The Story of the World to guide our studies. We will set up our timelines this next week so everything we study can be placed in order in a notebook. This will help tremendously in seeing how events, people and inventions are all related. In the Well-Trained Mind method, we will study history over a four year cycle that repeats three times throughout their educational time with me. Each time through, you deepen the studies and the level of research and writing that is required.

Our science this year is Biology, and we are currently working on a lapbook about the human body. Each person makes a mini book after researching a topic of their interest, and then we share them with each other. We also read from encyclopedias and outline topics that are placed in their notebooks.

Our Spanish curriculum is from A Beka. We spend at least 30 minutes each school day learning new vocabulary, practicing pronunciation and doing exercises.

Our Bible curriculum is from a company out of Russellville, AR and it is called Bible Study for all the Ages. They have really cool workbooks that the kids fill out. They are all studying the same bible stories on their own levels. We will work through this curriculum over three or four years.

Our math curriculum is also from A Beka. I think it will strengthen our skills a lot this year. We have just received all the A Beka curriculum so I am still learning how to use it all. But I am enjoying not having to plan all the subjects for four different grade levels everday. That was so incredibly stressful!

Benjamin is making great progress in his phonics, reading and math. He works with me while the older ones are working together or alone on their lessons. They both read to him as part of their assignments, and I have taught them how to transcribe a narration that he dictates to them after he listens to the readings. He has such a gift of understanding and a great ability to remember it and put his thoughts into complete sentences.

Malachi started acoustic guitar lessons today! And I am beginning to teach Maddie flute and piano. Ben is beginning piano as well. It seems Nate has quite an uncanny ability with the drums so that should be interesting!

I am sure I missed some things, so I will fill them in after I cook dinner for a very hungry crew of kids!

Reaching out of my box!

2007-09-29T09:42:00.000-05:00

I woke up this morning thinking that it was time to try some really different techniques in my designing. Time to get artistic and release my inner muse, Daisy Grace, so she can work some magic.....
Here is what I have come up with so far..... Well, the ink splots are from the other day....but kind of the same free style! Tell me what you think!

2007-09-28T15:54:00.001-05:00

I have been designing today since the kids woke up feeling sick. This has been a week of major emotion and transition for us, so I am easing up on school a bit to spend some time focusing on relationships and personal growth. It seems to be working.

But I was able to crank out this mini kit this morning for Polka Dot Potato. Ashley will be giving it away, and it felt so good to design again! I hope to get some more done this weekend.

Here is what I did. I think I see a larger kit in these colors coming soon!

2007-09-24T09:09:00.000-05:00

Today is one of those days where I just have to keep a sense of humor! This is by far the photo in my collection that makes me smile the most. So in honor of those days that get you down, I share a bit of joy with you today! I can't help but imagine God grinning when He created the giraffe. Just look at that face!

Cafe Rosa is in the store!

2007-09-22T12:52:00.001-05:00

You can find my latest kit, Cafe Rosa, at Polka Dot Potato! It is on sale for a few more days at 25% off so the papers and the embellishments together are only $3.75! Superb quality for an unbeatable price!

2007-09-21T15:29:00.000-05:00

Click here to see my products at Polka Dot Potato.

The Lighting of Inspiration

2007-09-20T09:58:00.000-05:00

Welcome to my world, Daisy Grace!

2007-09-19T20:02:00.000-05:00

Something inside of me has been urging me to blog all day. I took the kids out to a friends' house tonight and Mark has a meeting, so I have had some time alone to think. It takes a few hours to stop hearing Nate's precious little voice talking to me. But after that, I can begin to hear a new voice. A gentle and encouraging voice that tells me to slow down, relax, and breathe. It is my creative muse that dwells within me. I hear her sometimes when I catch a glimpse of a meaningful layout in a magazine, (ok, I really hear her very loudly then! It almost always brings immediate tears to my eyes....) when my kids say something unique, or when I have time to sit and read before all the others get out of bed. She dwells right below the surface of my daily life, and it is sometimes a game to see if I can lure her out right in the open in the middle of my other responsibilities. When I am able to do that, every single thing I do becomes meaningful to me. I instantly become aware of the value of each moment and relish the time I get to spend with my friends and family. Problems don't seeem so large when I can feel her presence. Stress just seems to dissipate.

So here is the million dollar question.....how do I keep a strong connection with her everyday? How do I maintain that type of creative awareness where life seems full of blessings and love is overpowering. You know those kind of days.....

I am going to experiment and see if I can focus on this for about 30 days. I will try to create something if time permits. I might blog the process. I might miss a few days here and there because I have learned that is ok. I can always return to the things that I like and the things that are good for me even if I have been away from them for a while.

The P.E.T. Parent Effectiveness Training book that I am currently reading by Dr. Gordon (you have to read this one!) has taught me that I have been trying to live in a mythic state of perfect parent, educator, and I would extrapolate, the perfect designer. One of my biggest stumbling blocks is thinking that I have to be very consistent. I start things thinking that if I don't keep to a strict schedule with them then they won't be helpful to me. So not true! I have discovered that walking when you think of it and when you feel like it can drop your pants! Literally, by two sizes! I seriously can't wear the old ones anymore! LOL! That happened even though I didn't do it consistently every day for 20 minutes. Amazing! LOL!

When I was a teenager and so very unsure of myself, I had an alter ego of sorts that I named Alexandria. She was all the things I dreamed of being. She lived in a beach house near the mountains and drove a Jeep. She had a cozy beach house with a large window overlooking the ocean. Her windows stayed open so she could hear the sounds of the crashing waves. A baby grand piano stood in the center of her living room and she would play at night as she watched the moon reflected in the calm waves. Then she would go for a jog on the beach and sit with her legs pulled into her chest atop a large rock overlooking a cove. That is where she would let go and be free to think all the things that just won't come to you at other times. I wonder when I quit thinking of Alexandria and all the self-assured and contemplative things she could do?

It is time to bring her back into my life, but it is time for a new name. A name of real significance for me. Let's name her Daisy Grace. The flower that is my personal symbol combined with God's undying compassion, acceptance and love for me. That sounds very comforting to me right now. She can be my inspiration. She can be my spirit that recognizes the wonder of the world around her and gives her thanks to God. We can do that together. Because I try really hard to do that. She can be my reminder to Breathe and to take time to Create. Welcome to my world, Daisy Grace!

It is ok to come out and play. No need to hide anymore. I am making room for you to come and stay awhile. I will listen to your voice without telling you all the reasons why people wouldn't like your ideas. I will heed your advice when I create products instead of evaluating them to death before I even open Photoshop. I will invite you into my daily work and take pleasure in your company. Welcome.

2007-09-18T09:46:00.000-05:00

Looks like this picture needs to be scrapped! Soon!

2007-09-18T09:44:00.000-05:00

It is ok to be silly! And it is surely ok to have fun! Sometimes I remember this, and those are the great days!

2007-09-18T09:39:00.000-05:00

Here is the love of my life doing what he does best...gently guiding someone to safety, watching over him and helping to direct his path. Forever my love. Forever my friend. Mark and Nate.

2007-09-18T09:34:00.000-05:00

Nate singing Sharyn a song....about the stars, I believe. Certainly included the phrase, "I love you" somewhere because that is in every song he sings!

2007-09-18T09:32:00.000-05:00

Malachi and Jarred, who live on opposite sides of the globe, peeking out from the same tree......I like that!

A breath of fresh air!

2007-09-18T09:29:00.000-05:00

It is really an incredible experience when you can spend one day with some one and it can change your life. I was so blessed to get to meet Sharyn (ShabbyShaz) in person when she traveled here from Saudia Arabia for a homeschool convention. She made her way to Arkansas with her son Jarred, and we got to spend a relaxing day at the lake together. God used that day to begin (or sprout) many things that had already been germinating inside of me. I am learning to reach out to others and to stay connected in order to hold depression in firm defeat. So many thoughts and habits have to be modified over time, and it is much easier when you have support from people who know your heart and share your passions. Watching Sharyn wander around the lake with her mega-zoom digital camera was God's way of giving me a great big hug. Strange sounding, I guess. But it made me realize that even though some people may not understand my internet ministry, it is very real. She knows me and we could connect in person as well as online. It is no small thing to me that she knows my digital designs. That is such a large part of my life that very few people that I know in person actually understand. I certainly don't keep it a secret. But very few know what I do and certainly wouldn't be able to identify my products. Sharyn knows all that and could certainly tell you what I had designed. That is a kind of affirmation to my soul that is vital to my health. Throughout the day, we were continuing conversations that we had begun months earlier. There is nothing strange about internet friendships. I knew this all along, but sometimes you wonder about things such as this. And my connections with my online friends are motiviating me to become closer to people in my area through ArtReach. I have moved most of my art supplies into the basement now and am ready to begin scheduling classes. Hopefully I can learn how to share this area of myself with those who live near me as well as those who live on the other side of the world. It is such a joyful process to learn and grow and stretch closer to God.

New Freebies at Polka Dot Potato

2007-09-12T08:04:00.000-05:00

We have recently updated our shopping cart, message boards, and gallery at Polka Dot Potato! Come and see the new look and pick up these three freebies from me and others from the other designers. You can get these freeebies here.

2007-08-01T11:30:00.000-05:00

2007-08-01T11:28:00.000-05:00

2007-08-01T11:27:00.001-05:00

2007-08-01T11:27:00.000-05:00

2007-08-01T11:25:00.000-05:00

Time for a visit from Grandparents!

2007-08-01T11:17:00.000-05:00

2007-06-18T10:47:00.000-05:00

2007-05-22T07:55:00.000-05:00

I actually took some time to scrapbook for myself this weekend! It was fun to have a bunch of new templates to use to make it fast and easy! I worked with the boys' Easter pictures and now have a set of three 5x7 layouts to print and hang together on the wall. Now to get them printed!

I was a very good girl for Mother's Day and had a stack of layouts printed for my Mom so she could add them to her book. Now I just need to finish the calendar I started at Christmas and couldn't get done. But I have changed the size to make it easier to have made so I am having to edit the pages as I go. But I am almost done. Here are a few pages for you to see....

October page....kit is Shabby Shriek by Emily Farnworth

April page....kit is Vintage Florals by Shabby Princess

Check out my Slide Show!

2007-05-22T07:25:00.001-05:00

Celebration!

2007-05-08T09:04:00.000-05:00

Are you ready for a Celebration! I am adding another addition to The Denim Collection this morning. These colors just shine, and I can envision so many uses for it! I can't wait to see what you all do with it! You can find the Celebration! kit here.

This Worth 1 Wish layout uses my Celebration! kit and

my new Scrappin' Patterns 5x7 Wall Art #2 templates that you can find here.

I have also added this Spring Fling! kit to The Denim Collection and it is in my store at Polka Dot Potato. Here is a layout by my Creative Team member Cinna using Spring Fling! Credits: Denim Collection: Spring fling by Kelley McDonald at Digiscrapdivas. Font used is DSP Pollyanna.

Here is a layout from my Creative Team Member Melissa Black using
It's a Spring Thing! by Amy Bleser and me.

Credits:It's a Spring Thing Kit by Kelley McDonald and Amy Bleser at DigiScrapDivas;

Scrappin' Patterns 8x10 Wall Art by Kelley McDonald (altered to make an 8x8 pg) at Polka Dot Potato;

Stitching by Kelley McDonald (recolored slightly); Font-Waltograph

2007-03-01T12:41:00.000-06:00

I have made a concerted effort since my last post to get out of the house more. It is helping I think, but sometimes it is hard to come home and adjust back to my routines here. But I will just keep leaving and coming home and soon it will be a more natural adjustment, right?

This weekend is our retreat for spouses of United Methodist clergy in the state of Arkansas and I am hosting a weekend long card-making workshop. I will load the van full of my paper scrapbooking supplies and set them up for everyone to use off and on all weekend when they have spare time. I am going to try to sort my supplies in such a way that they are easier to transport and possibly even leave the supplies that I use in these workshops all together so that I don't have to spend several hours gathering them and putting them away when it is over. That is always the worst part. I have been hosting one every six weeks or so and I think they will become more regular so I need to have a plan!

I think we will have almost 30 spouses attend so the 200 cards I purchased for us to decorate will not be enough for each to make 10 which is what I had planned. We may have to cut some out of cardstock by the end of the weekend, but that will be the diehards that are left by then and they won't mind! I took all of these supplies last year, and they all told me I couldn't come back again unless I brought it all again. They had so much fun giggling and getting their hands all inky. Oh my! I need to make some samples! I forgot about that! Guess I have a job for this evening! I think I might put them on a display board so they will be easy for all to see and not get lost among all the paper scraps on the tables.

Just wanted to check in and say that we are all ok. We've been passing around a flu/cold for the last three weeks so extra things have been very limited. But I did manage to remake my previews for my kits and am very pleased with how they turned out. I was also able to make a few things to put on our new 99 cent Potato Bar at www.polkadotpotato.com so that was fun. I think it will become a regular part of the site in some form and fashion.

Guess I need to wrap up school with the kids and get some samples made and supplies sorted! Can't believe I am actually going out of town for two nights. Somebody pinch me!

2007-03-01T11:01:00.000-06:00

Budding Friendship available at Polka Dot Potato

Angel Spirit available at Polka Dot Potato

My Three Sons available at and Polka Dot Potato

Winter Fiesta available at Polka Dot Potato

Groceries Groceries Groceries

2007-02-10T10:55:00.000-06:00

I went grocery shopping last night over in the next town and realized it was the first time in months that I can remember going by myself and not feeling like I had to rush right home. I think I need to get out more! I am going to work on that! LOL! No wonder I have felt anxious and a bit depressed lately!

I got some groceries so we have lots of good meals on the calendar this week! Homemade lasagna (I realized I don't think I have made one since the kids were born! LOL!), enchiladas, pot roast and veggies, quesadillas, macaroni and cheese with Lil' Smokies (a new favorite among the kids!), bean tostadas, and pork chops! Yum! Last week was a hard and busy one and we didn't eat very exciting things! So I aim to please this week.

Here is a layout I did this morning with my Chambray Shirt kit that I made with Amanda Rockwell. It is for sale exclusively at Sweet Shoppe Designs. This is actually a Quick 'n Easy Page by my wonderful Creative Team member Melissa Black. So maybe I should say Melissa made this layout! LOL! I will be putting this set of 5 quick pages in the store this weekend. I am using them to make layouts of a recent homeschool trip we made to Little Rock to see the Children's Museum, the Capitol and the Clinton Presidential Library! Journaling: We had such a good time at the Clinton Presidential Library. And I am certainly glad that I set up this shot and handed the camera to your Daddy. I think it is one of the best ones we have of us all together. Mother and children. Teacher and students. Constant companions and friends. I never imagined I would get to spend so much time with each of you. But I am loving it, and I would miss you all very much if we had to return to the typical public school schedule of being away from each other the majority of the time. I hope you know how much you all mean to me and how much I am learning, too! Here’s to a custom-designed education for each and every one of us!

2007-01-28T18:46:00.000-06:00

I did this recipe card today for a challenge at Digiscrapdivas this weekend. It was so much fun I think I will do a few more! This kit is my Chambray Shirt kit I did with Amanda Rockwell at Sweet Shoppe Designs. And this casserole is so yummy!

My new Denim Collection....coming soon to DigiScrapDivas!

2007-01-27T09:52:00.000-06:00

Just so happy today!

2007-01-26T15:39:00.000-06:00

I have just completed over a month's worth of working every spare minute on my designing, setting up my Creative Team and getting set up in the Digiscrapdivas store and community. I feel like I finished final exams today and it feels so good! So what am I doing? Taking a break? No way! I am designing! Woo hoo!

I wanted to give you a peek at a few papers that I have made in the last few weeks that are for promotions. I can't tell you what they are for or when they will be released, but I just wanted to show you where I am headed with my designing! I am moving more and more toward hand-drawn graphics in my papers and am loving my Wacom tablet and vector drawing these days! You tell me, am I getting better at this design job? I sure hope so! I am working my tail off! I really like the look when the shapes are stroked and the petals are cut out of my other papers. Ooooooh. This is so fun!

2007-01-23T07:33:00.001-06:00

A new "semester" of homeschool has begun!

2007-01-10T08:32:00.000-06:00

We have joyfully started our homeschool back again after a very relaxing break for the holidays. It just feels so good to have done this before! That first semester was just stressful because it was The First! I feel so much more confident and relaxed now that I have a good idea what kind of things are working for us. I have chosen to give the older kids a bit more independent work than we did last semester so that they can get started and get most of their work regardless of what is happening with anyone else in the family. I think they are liking that independence. I am still reading out loud to them everyday, but I am moving that reading time to the evening after dinner so that it doesn't feel like a part of "school."

We started Maniac Magee by Jerry Spinelli with the older ones last night. Ben and I have been reading The Monster in the Third Dresser Drawer by Janice Lee Smith. We are almost done! Mark is starting a unit study on weather with them on Wednesday and Friday mornings and will start their piano lessons as soon as he can schedule them! Mark is learning how to fly an airplane and the kids are right behind him watching it all! They have all been learning how to use the flight simulator and yoke (steering wheel). So the weather unit is all within the context of aeronautics. It is good to have him taking the wheel on the science and music aspects of their learning. And it is also very nice that he has rearranged his schedule to go into the church late on those mornings so he can be a part of it all. I think it will give a nice rhythm to our weeks.

I am also adding some new types of work for Benjamin. He will be following the Five In A Row method of studying one book for five days in a row and focusing on different aspects of it each day. We started yesterday with Make Way For Ducklings by Robert McCloskey and will do lots of activities from that book this week. I also got the book Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons by Siegfried Engelmann and have started preparing to teach him to read! According to the book, he should be reading very well by the end of the 100 Lessons which for us will be 100 days! The lessons are only about 15 minutes a day so it shouldn't be any big deal once we get used to the particular method that is uses. I can't wait to see him reading everything around him. I think it will make his school much more interesting for him. I really think he is ready so we will see! Let's see, if we started today..... we would finish the 100 Lessons on April 19. So I will pad the schedule a bit for days that we have to miss for whatever reason and will say that by April 30 he should be reading very well! How cool is that! Today we will make us a 100 Day Chart so that he can keep track of his progress!

I am considering switching to more of a year-round calendar for us. I have never really liked the extended break in the summer in regards to their learning. So we will probably be going for about 4 weeks and then taking a week or so off. That will give me some very clear blocks to schedule and plan. And we will make our read alouds and units fit within those blocks so that when we start back we get the excitment of beginning something new each time. Of course, I will not take breaks in Ben's reading lessons! I am too excited to see him soar!

Breakfast is ready! Mark cooked for us, so I had better head to the table! What a great way to start the morning!

Merry

2007-01-09T17:19:00.000-06:00

This is my Winter Fiesta kit available at Polka Dot Potato, Digiscrapdivas or Scrap2Basics. Template by Traci Reed for the sketch challenge at Digiscrapdivas.

Angel Girl

2007-01-09T17:17:00.000-06:00

This is my Angel Spirit kit that is available at Polka Dot Potato. Template by Jessica Gorny.

I Resolve

2007-01-09T17:12:00.000-06:00

Papers and most elements from Jeanine Baechtold's Thankful kit. Fiber from Amber Clegg's Gazebo kit and doodle from MelissaGB's Star Bazaar kit. The identity of Santa is a delightful mystery, but I am the mama kissing him! I do resolve!

I made some new embies this week!

2007-01-01T16:21:00.000-06:00

I can't wait to get these uploaded to my stores! I had an awesome networking week and will now have my product at Polka Dot Potato, DigiScrapDivas and Scrap2Basics. I have some collaborative kits in the works with some other designers and so those kits will be going in their stores as well! It has been an awesome week in my design life. I can't wait to see what this New Year holds for all of us!

Searching for Designing Partner and Creative Team!

2006-12-30T09:30:00.000-06:00

I am looking for someone who would like to work alongside me as a Designer to create unique and interesting kits. I have lots of kits on my hard drive that just need something special here and there to have them ready to upload. I love to make papers and templates and would especially love to partner with someone who likes to make embellishments and quick pages. But I think just having someone that I can collaborate with will make this much more fun. I would also be more than willing to help you with your kits and ideas as well. I also homeschool my kids and am assistant editor for the new hybrid Scrapbooking Dimensions magazine. So my time is limited. But I want to see if I can create a friendship/partnership that would work for both of us. Of course, the money thing will be worked out fairly. If my kits are up and selling, then I will be more than willing to split the profits! I sell my work at Polka Dot Potato. You can see more of my work there.I am also searching for a few talented Layout Ladies who would like to use my work for FREE! If you like the look of what you see, please let me know, and I will choose about 10 of you to be on my Creative Team! Here are a few previews of the kits I have in the works (please remember these are not yet complete!) If you are interested in partnering with me as a Designer or in working with my product as a Creative Team Member, please email me at kelleymcdonald@gmail.com and show me some of your stuff! Then we will see what happens! Thanks!

ABC Check up!

2006-12-08T16:16:00.000-06:00

We did a check up test for Ben this afternoon on which of his letters he recognizes. He knew the top row and still needs to work on the bottom row! We are more than halfway! And he took the picture of his progress all by himself with a Canon Rebel EOS 6 megapixel camera! How is that for homeschool!

2006-12-08T15:45:00.000-06:00

I am also celebrating today because Nate is continuing to catch me off guard all the time with what he understands at just 2 years old. He wanted to get in the middle of Ben's cards so I got these down for him. I told him to put a lego on each object pictured on the cards and he did it perfectly! Wake up, Mom! Don't forget the littlest guy!

2006-12-08T15:43:00.000-06:00

I am celebrating today because Benjamin is making great progress in his learning! He put the flashcards for the numbers 1-10 in order today and then matched the appropriate number of legos with each card. His attention span and desire to do school are very high! If Mom can figure out how to keep up, there will be stopping him! Congratulations, Benjamin, on being a great student!

What a night!

2006-12-03T08:38:00.000-06:00

Well I have to say that was one of the hardest nights I have ever had with one of my kids! I didn't get to finally close my eyes until 5:30 this morning. Benjamin has been having a toothache and he cried and thrashed in his sleep. We had him full of Tylenol, but he didn't even quit crying until after 3 am. Then he just continued to jerk around and toss and turn. I tried putting him on the couch so I could sleep better, but he kept coming back to my bed. In the middle of the night we did have a nice time watching a show I had recorded called The First Noel about the very first Christmas. He laughed and giggled and was just fine, but as soon as we went back to bed it started all over again. The hardest part for me is being in a situation where there is nothing else I can do but hold him. I prayed and prayed for God to ease his discomfort. I guess it eventually happened. But I was really wanting it to happen a few hours earlier! LOL!

But the point of my telling you about my night is to share some more comments about my recovery from depression. I had a long talk with some new friends at a chili supper after our town's annual Christmas parade, and it eventually worked its way around to my history with depression. One of the last questions one of them asked me was...."How did you manage to get better so fast?" (relatively speaking....fewer than 10 years....) So as I was holding Ben's thrashing and sobbing body all night I had plenty of time to ponder that question and to review my journey out of desperation. It made for a very interesting night, let me tell you! LOL! My journey has been a very emotional one that has taken me over 10 years, so the particular order in which things happened has become a bit hazy for me. I think I was at my most depressed state in 1999, so it hasn't really been that long ago. I hope these thoughts are helpful.

These are the things I decided I wanted to say.....
1. I became very active on the internet in areas related to my many art/craft interests. This allowed me to keep my mind active, find instructions and new ideas while on a limited income, and to talk to people "on my own terms." That last part was important for me because I had become so isolated, anxious and self-conscious that any "real" friendships were pretty much out of the question. I was so incredibly lonely and withdrawn. But I couldn't have people over because my house was in a constant state of chaos. It had just become so difficult to make real connections with others. But I could relate to the ones that I knew shared my interests and could talk to them while sitting in the midst of the huge mess my life had become. It sounds kind of like I was being deceitful, but that really wasn't the case. Almost all of the ones I talked with on a regular basis were in very similar situations. We had a bond that can only be forged by others who are suffering from the same type illness. It became very clear to me during this time that there is a dire need for a ministry to reach depressed women using the internet. I have tried to use this blog for that purpose, but I realize that there is still so much more that needs to be done.

2. I think the next most important concept for me was learning how to break tasks down into smaller "bite-size" pieces. If I find myself overwhelmed with things now, it is almost always because I haven't stopped to divide the task into manageable pieces. It sounds simple enough, but for some reason it was a hard one for me to learn. I am a perfectionist, and if I couldn't do things EARLY and PERFECT then I didn't do it at all. Hmmm. Wonder how the house got the way it did? LOL! Just a few weeks ago I realized that PERFECT just isn't for me anymore. I really like VERY GOOD though and in most cases I can handle that just fine now. But I had to start with just getting myself to move in ANY DIRECTION for just a few minutes each day.

3. I did take a very high dose of an SSRI for about 5 years. It was the life preserver that I clung to as I sifted through my personality to see which of my behaviors were the depression and which were really ME. I think that process will continue for the rest of my life. I still battle lots of negative thoughts and am learning how to envision myself in a more positive, successful way. People around me are noticing huge changes, but sometimes I still see myself through my eyes of depression. I have been off all the medication for several years now and managed to survive some incredibly big changes this year with only "normal" stress reactions. When I went off my medication, I didn't tell anyone I was reducing it. I wanted to see if my family would notice any difference. I didn't want them to interpret every typical mood change as evidence that I needed it. Mark was very surprised when I told him because he had not been able to tell the difference. So that was a good sign for me that it was time to learn some new behaviors that could prevent my depression from setting in again. I have always known that a cluttered house was my biggest trigger, so I got busy simplifying and decluttering. I think it took me more than 5 years! And I need to do some more. But most of what I have now is manageable. And when I have tasks that I put off because they seem so insurmountable, when I finally get around to completing them I have to just laugh at myself for making a mountain out of a molehill that only looked like a mountain. Messes are very baffling in that all the stuff seems to expand and take up so much more room when it isn't organized. But usually there is really not as much there as you think there is!

4. I think the last thing I will share today is that I have always tried to be very honest about my situation. I have shared it openly even though at times it is and was excruciatingly painful to do so. I have always figured there were lots of others dealing with the same type things, and I just had to let God use all my pain and desperation to at least bring the topic to the surface. I might not actually be able to help others any more than letting them know that they are not the only one! And I know that is exactly the message I needed to hear when I was at my worst. I just needed somebody to name the huge stinky "elephant" that was standing in the middle of my house! Once it had a name (dystemia....long term depression) then I could begin to deal with it. And it was incredibly freeing to find out that all of the problems were not because I was weak, lazy, stupid, or lacking. It was a chemical in my brain. If I had been diabetic, they would have treated me and put me on insulin and there never would have been a question of the diabetes being caused by me. If I had gotten cancer they would have given me chemo and we would have done our best to move on in life in spite of an invasive illness. So I decided that I would be vocal about the fact that I was ill, too, and at that time required medicine.

I know of several women who have told me later that my sharing my situation with them has in reality saved their lives. I have never shared this fact publicly before because I have not wanted others to think I was being boastful. But this really has very little to do with me and a LOT to do with God. I am merely a messenger. The calling on my life is to "authentically share my story." Sometimes I can't find the words. There is so much more I could say. But (wink, wink) this is not about writing it all PERFECTLY, is it? I know that God is using my life because I get messages from women who are sitting in front of their computers weeping. They can't believe that they are reading what seems to be Their Story on my blog. Well, big hugs for you sisters! You can make it through this. Just remember to take it very slowly and know that it is ok to be YOU! You are beautiful, and God is holding you in the palm of His hand.

Much love! Kelley

2006-11-25T17:52:00.000-06:00

My littlest guy isn't so little anymore, is he? He stood on the rock and insisted I take his picture. I think the best parts of the holiday for me were the mini hikes I took with Nate. We explored all the little parts of the woods that you would usually overlook as you focused on the grandiose view. But we saw crickets, walking sticks, rocks, stumps, pine cones, birds and spiders. I couldn't hug him tightly enough!

2006-11-25T17:49:00.000-06:00

This is the view from the lodge where we always spend our Thanksgiving holiday! I can just imagine myself sitting on that little bench every morning with a cup of coffee! Simply divine!

Introducing......Scrappin' Patterns

2006-11-10T08:13:00.000-06:00

Here is my version of the oh-so-popular digital scrapbooking templates! But mine come with a few of the embellishments like stitches, staples or brads already placed for you! No more searching for just the right thing to hold it all in place! The Scrapppin' Patterns are layered psd files that can be used in Photoshop Elements, Photoshop, and Paint Shop Pro. The Quick 'n Easy Page is a png file that will let you slide your photo behind the hole and add a title or journaling above it. Experience the magic of a Scrappin' Pattern and take the stress out of your scrapbooking! And remember, these can be printed any size.... think big like a poster down to small key chain brag books. Rotate them, flip them, and use them over and over for quick gifts and incredible wall decorations. Have fun! You can pick up each of these templates (and many more that are coming soon!) in my Shoppe here.

Earn a $5 gift certificate for making your Christmas cards!

2006-11-05T18:17:00.000-06:00

The top card is made using Cindy Wyckoff's papers from her Le Memoire kit, Emily Farnworth's ribbons (recolored) from her Shabby Shriek kit, and my stitches. The bottom card is made with my Blue Jean Days kit.

Look at this layout!

2006-11-05T18:15:00.000-06:00

Jeannie Papai created this layout for me today using my Scrappin' Pattern #1 with Quick 'n Easy Page that is now available in my Shoppe. She used Eve Recinella's Rejuvenate kit. You can get my Scrappin' Pattern here. Hope you enjoy it!

Cross of my Life

2006-11-05T14:18:00.000-06:00

This is a cross I made for the church. Lee Ann Robinson asked a group of us to each decorate one for a display she is working on. I was very glad to get my hands covered in Mod Podge again! It had been too long since I had handled these kind of supplies that aren't digitally made! I am itching to make some more altered canvases so watch for those coming soon! Haley and I are going to get to work creating some cool collages. Can't wait!