Thursday, October 19, 2006

Savoring the Day

Today I have been thinking a lot about how to remember to stop at times throughout our day to take in the moment. There is so much work to be done each day, but I have to find a way to stop sometimes and savor the day. I do it already when I hug my children as they wake up, when we sit down for meals together (yes, we sit down at the table for three meals a day now!) and when I change the little one's diaper. I certainly take deep breaths and try to center myself before we begin our read alouds each day.

But I still feel like there needs to be a more relaxed and carefree feeling to our time together. Maybe it will feel more like that the longer we have homeschooled. But I am pining for it. I don't want to seem overwhelmed or overworked. I just want the things we do to be "normal" and not seem like too much. But I have to remind myself that our lives are very different than they have ever been! Several years ago we ate most of our meals in front of the tv and rarely had a clear plan for our day's activities beforehand. Things just kind of happened "to us" instead of being thoughtfully arranged into our lives. I have learned so much about keeping on top of my daily chores in order to keep my depression at bay. But I still hear my heavy sighs throughout the day and know that I am still not as adjusted as I would like to be.

But at least now I realize that what we have is very very good. I think things will naturally get easier as Nate gets older and can participate more in our schooling. It is difficult to care for a two year old at the same time you are teaching the others. And I know the kids will continue to pick up more of a fair share of the work around our home as time goes on. They are already cooking lunch one day a week for me and helping to unload the dishwasher. They make their bed and keep their rooms clean, for the most part anyway! And they are certainly learning how to complete their assignments everyday.

Now I just need to figure out ways for me to have uninterrupted time with my husband and time alone to think and design. I am certainly not giving up. I just wish it didn't feel like I was having to move mountains everyday. I am betting in a few weeks this will seem like I was way too worried about things. Usually by the time I write about things, I am almost to a point of adjustment. Guess that is a good thing. I am so glad to be able to say that I know that we have made a good choice for us. I am no longer paralyzed by worry. Guess it is kind of like I have just gotten a brand new pair of shoes. I like them a lot. They really are my style. I just wish they were already broken in! Hugs!

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