Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Welcome to my world, Daisy Grace!

Something inside of me has been urging me to blog all day. I took the kids out to a friends' house tonight and Mark has a meeting, so I have had some time alone to think. It takes a few hours to stop hearing Nate's precious little voice talking to me. But after that, I can begin to hear a new voice. A gentle and encouraging voice that tells me to slow down, relax, and breathe. It is my creative muse that dwells within me. I hear her sometimes when I catch a glimpse of a meaningful layout in a magazine, (ok, I really hear her very loudly then! It almost always brings immediate tears to my eyes....) when my kids say something unique, or when I have time to sit and read before all the others get out of bed. She dwells right below the surface of my daily life, and it is sometimes a game to see if I can lure her out right in the open in the middle of my other responsibilities. When I am able to do that, every single thing I do becomes meaningful to me. I instantly become aware of the value of each moment and relish the time I get to spend with my friends and family. Problems don't seeem so large when I can feel her presence. Stress just seems to dissipate.

So here is the million dollar do I keep a strong connection with her everyday? How do I maintain that type of creative awareness where life seems full of blessings and love is overpowering. You know those kind of days.....

I am going to experiment and see if I can focus on this for about 30 days. I will try to create something if time permits. I might blog the process. I might miss a few days here and there because I have learned that is ok. I can always return to the things that I like and the things that are good for me even if I have been away from them for a while.

The P.E.T. Parent Effectiveness Training book that I am currently reading by Dr. Gordon (you have to read this one!) has taught me that I have been trying to live in a mythic state of perfect parent, educator, and I would extrapolate, the perfect designer. One of my biggest stumbling blocks is thinking that I have to be very consistent. I start things thinking that if I don't keep to a strict schedule with them then they won't be helpful to me. So not true! I have discovered that walking when you think of it and when you feel like it can drop your pants! Literally, by two sizes! I seriously can't wear the old ones anymore! LOL! That happened even though I didn't do it consistently every day for 20 minutes. Amazing! LOL!

When I was a teenager and so very unsure of myself, I had an alter ego of sorts that I named Alexandria. She was all the things I dreamed of being. She lived in a beach house near the mountains and drove a Jeep. She had a cozy beach house with a large window overlooking the ocean. Her windows stayed open so she could hear the sounds of the crashing waves. A baby grand piano stood in the center of her living room and she would play at night as she watched the moon reflected in the calm waves. Then she would go for a jog on the beach and sit with her legs pulled into her chest atop a large rock overlooking a cove. That is where she would let go and be free to think all the things that just won't come to you at other times. I wonder when I quit thinking of Alexandria and all the self-assured and contemplative things she could do?

It is time to bring her back into my life, but it is time for a new name. A name of real significance for me. Let's name her Daisy Grace. The flower that is my personal symbol combined with God's undying compassion, acceptance and love for me. That sounds very comforting to me right now. She can be my inspiration. She can be my spirit that recognizes the wonder of the world around her and gives her thanks to God. We can do that together. Because I try really hard to do that. She can be my reminder to Breathe and to take time to Create. Welcome to my world, Daisy Grace!

It is ok to come out and play. No need to hide anymore. I am making room for you to come and stay awhile. I will listen to your voice without telling you all the reasons why people wouldn't like your ideas. I will heed your advice when I create products instead of evaluating them to death before I even open Photoshop. I will invite you into my daily work and take pleasure in your company. Welcome.

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